Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Adoption Update

I guess you could say we have some unexpected news. We received notice yesterday that Solomon’s family backed out of the adoption while they were being investigated by the officials of the Department of Social Welfare of Accra, Ghana. It was during this time that they were asked to confirm and finalize their decision of giving Solomon out for adoption and they decided not to continue on in the process. The assumption is that during the Social Welfare interview the family was provided w/information on how to keep their family together as one unit rather than separation via adoption, and they essentially changed their minds on the adoption route.

So, this was pretty hard to take. I am still processing my emotions….I guess right now I feel like I can explain it as grieving the loss of a child I have never met, but yet had internalized as being my own. And, even though this really hurts, I do not regret entering in to this emotionally and visualizing Solomon as our son. Had I not done this I think I would have cheated myself out of a beautiful experience. As you know, last fall God specifically formed a spot in our hearts for a 3rd child for our family, and for that child to come to us by way of adoption. This situation doesn’t change anything, and we will still be pursuing an adoption in Ghana. If anything, Solomon has deepened the feelings of us wanting to adopt, and I am thankful to have loved him in my heart, prayed for him, and let myself envision him as part of our family. With all that said, I also can’t help but be extremely relieved for Solomon’s parents that they will be able to keep him.

It’s going to be quite hard to invest emotionally into this experience all over again with our new child, whenever we find out who he is, and I think it will be tempting to put up my guard, ‘just in case’. But, the reality of any adoption is that nothing is said and done until the child is home with the new family. I think our situation was not very common in that both of Solomon’s parents were still living, and that he was still living with them. Perhaps we should have reminded ourselves more often of the possibility of something like this happening. I think my assumption was that they had already ‘officially’ finalized their decision to make him available for adoption, but for their sake, I am glad they were able to really work through their options to find how they would be able to keep their family together. I know we would have done the same had we been in their shoes.

So, now the spot in our hearts goes yet again without a face and without a name, but that spot of adopting our 3rd child is still there. It was there before we knew of Solomon, and is still there now. We know God has a plan. And, I think it is safe to say that Jake and I have now specified to our agency that we would like to pursue the adoption of an actual orphan, who’s parents are not living or have completely abandoned the child in an orphanage. We don’t want to exclude any child that is in need, but we also want to be realistic and not go through something like this again.

What a story we will have for our adoptive son some day….of all the other children it could have been, and yet wasn’t…..


Hollie said...

I'm so sorry about your news. God obviously has some other precious little guy in mind to be blessed by becoming part of your family. We will pray for you guys as you process this news and continue on in the process.

Jon and Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, we will keep you all in our thougths and prayers. It's hard to see sometimes but God does have a plan and he will bless you with another little guy.

renee0576 said...

I'm so sorry to hear the news about Solomon. I know there is a Greater Plan in the works for your family. You will always have a special place in your heart for little Solomon and he will always be one more person to visit when you visit Ghana!

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”

So true. Thinking of you and your family.

Tamara B said...

My heart aches for your loss and I wish I could reach out and hug you right now.

Praying that your grief results in growing closer to the God who chose to adopt us.

Christy said...

Oh, Janel, I am so so sorry to hear all this. I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster you've been on! Will be praying for you all as you grieve and try and process what/when your next steps will be.

Jason and Jen Lee said...

Oh, Janel, I am so sorry for the loss of Solomon. What a mix of emotions, since it is a good thing his family will stay together. But that certainly doesn't make it any easier. I could identify with so many of the thoughts and feelings you are having. I am so glad you already don't regret having gotten this far and that otherwise you would have missed out on a beautiful experience. That is a great perspective. God wants our obedience, even if it is risky and costs us a terrible heartache. I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. Know that I will be praying for you.

DealPalooza said...

I am so glad to have come across your blog. We just lost our referred child and I am struggling through the emotions. Our first adopted son's process was so straight forward and smooth so while I was aware of the possibilities I also knew all of my friend's kids eventually came home. This experience is new for me. But, I too believe that our Father has a plan and so I will wait and try and follow him. For his plan will be better than my own.