I guess you could say we have some unexpected news. We received notice yesterday that Solomon’s family backed out of the adoption while they were being investigated by the officials of the Department of Social Welfare of Accra, Ghana. It was during this time that they were asked to confirm and finalize their decision of giving Solomon out for adoption and they decided not to continue on in the process. The assumption is that during the Social Welfare interview the family was provided w/information on how to keep their family together as one unit rather than separation via adoption, and they essentially changed their minds on the adoption route.
So, this was pretty hard to take. I am still processing my emotions….I guess right now I feel like I can explain it as grieving the loss of a child I have never met, but yet had internalized as being my own. And, even though this really hurts, I do not regret entering in to this emotionally and visualizing Solomon as our son. Had I not done this I think I would have cheated myself out of a beautiful experience. As you know, last fall God specifically formed a spot in our hearts for a 3rd child for our family, and for that child to come to us by way of adoption. This situation doesn’t change anything, and we will still be pursuing an adoption in Ghana. If anything, Solomon has deepened the feelings of us wanting to adopt, and I am thankful to have loved him in my heart, prayed for him, and let myself envision him as part of our family. With all that said, I also can’t help but be extremely relieved for Solomon’s parents that they will be able to keep him.
It’s going to be quite hard to invest emotionally into this experience all over again with our new child, whenever we find out who he is, and I think it will be tempting to put up my guard, ‘just in case’. But, the reality of any adoption is that nothing is said and done until the child is home with the new family. I think our situation was not very common in that both of Solomon’s parents were still living, and that he was still living with them. Perhaps we should have reminded ourselves more often of the possibility of something like this happening. I think my assumption was that they had already ‘officially’ finalized their decision to make him available for adoption, but for their sake, I am glad they were able to really work through their options to find how they would be able to keep their family together. I know we would have done the same had we been in their shoes.
So, now the spot in our hearts goes yet again without a face and without a name, but that spot of adopting our 3rd child is still there. It was there before we knew of Solomon, and is still there now. We know God has a plan. And, I think it is safe to say that Jake and I have now specified to our agency that we would like to pursue the adoption of an actual orphan, who’s parents are not living or have completely abandoned the child in an orphanage. We don’t want to exclude any child that is in need, but we also want to be realistic and not go through something like this again.
What a story we will have for our adoptive son some day….of all the other children it could have been, and yet wasn’t…..