Adopting Older Children

With our adoption, you may or may not be wondering what on earth we know about raising a 6-year old. And, the truth is, I have thought of this OFTEN. Trust me, I am not taking this lightly. But, there is a point where I need to trust that God will supply everything we need to do this. And, what we don’t know, He will teach us. In accepting this referral, I had arrived at that thought, and I believe it.

I keep telling myself that when I was pregnant with JJ, I didn’t know what it was going to be like to have a newborn. I had never experienced it before. But, I learned. When JJ approached his second birthday I wondered what life would bring with a 2 year old. I had lots of questions. And, I learned answers as the days came and went. And, it will be the same with Samuel. No, I know nothing about 6 year olds. But, I will learn. This is where God has brought us. This is the boy God has asked us to invite into our family. And we will do it. I am SO EXCITED to learn, and to experience this.

I’ve shared before that I’ve been concerned about the subject of maintaining biological order within adoption….I’ve gone back and forth over this….fretting about it in one moment, and then being okay about it in the next. We obviously are not following biological order in our adoption of Samuel since he will now become our eldest child. I can easily get myself all worked up in worry about this, wondering what it will be like for JJ to no longer be the oldest, and instead have an older brother. About 2 months ago my friend who has also adopted sent me the following post from an adoption blog. I keep reading it over, and over, and over because there is SO MUCH TRUTH to what this mom says. Wow, this mom really lays it out there, and every time I read it I love it even more . If I really trust God in the way I say I do, then I can trust him to be in control of this issue of not maintaining biological order within our adoption. Here is how the post starts….

One email that I receive a few times every week sounds a little something like this: "Heidi and Kirk, Your story has been very encouraging to us, as we also feel led to adopt older kids or a sibling group, but I am just very scared of what it might do to our family, how it will affect our current kids, and what kind of short- and long-term implications it might have. Can you tell me how your biological kids adjusted to being knocked out of their birth order? How did your oldest feel about no longer being the oldest? I'm afraid I'm going to be taking away from them something that is legitimately theirs and I'm scared of what that will do to their emotions/personality/self-worth/security/what-have-you. I'm afraid they will feel ripped off."

And now, click the link below to see this mom’s response to this question and to read the rest of her post. It’s pretty honest and awesome (once you click the link start reading in the second paragraph):

http://blessingsfromethiopia.blogspot.com/2009/08/greater-capacity.html

To end, my personal thought is that adopting older children is not for everyone, and it may not fit with every family. You've certainly got to weigh how it will affect the family dynamic if you have other children already. But, if you feel led by God to adopt an older child, I hope that you won't let your fears stand in the way.