Team Sullivan

Monday, December 6, 2010

Devotional Written by Sam

Sam’s youth leader at church came up with a great idea to encourage his junior high students to continue to seek God over Christmas break (when it’s easy to put God on the back burner). He asked each student to consider writing a devotional that would be put into a little booklet that would be printed and handed out before break. Each devotional will be written by 6th-8th graders that attend our youth ministry at church, and I can imagine it will be full of some cool stuff! The instructions for writing the devotional included……. 1) Find/read a passage/verse in the Bible…… 2) Write down what you observed, learned, understood from the passage/verse …….3) Write down a challenge for other students in how to apply this to life. Sam decided to take on the devotional challenge and wrote one! Hopefully you will appreciate his honesty as I did. Here is his devotional in the blue:

Friend drama - not so much. Girl drama - not so much. Enemy drama – ring, ring, ring we have a winner. There’s a boy at my school and he treats me like dirt. It is because he is jealous or because he likes to be a jerk I don’t know. But I always remember this passage:

Romans 12:17-20
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.

This means to me that if people say mean things and don’t treat you correctly just say “yeah, ok” and that will make them feel confused.

My challenge to other students is to be kind to your enemies at school.

Don’t you love getting a peek back into life as a junior higher? When this came up during our family devotional time the other night, we realized that each member of our family also struggles with this idea of loving those who mistreat us. For our family devo we were talking through 1 John 4:7-11 and how Jesus’ sacrifice for us should be the motivation for us to love others. Any small offense against us is nothing compared to the heap of sin and junk that we have stacked up against God and yet have been forgiven of through Jesus. We were thinking of reasons why we show that we are true disciples of Jesus if we love others. We spent a lot of time talking about how it is unnatural to love those who hate us, have mistreated us, or have spoken untruthfully about us. And yet, we all clearly felt the weight of these verses in that we should love others in the same way Christ loved us, and be willing to forgive...even our ‘enemies’. This is so hard. And unnatural. And not the way our world operates. And not exactly what you want to hear when you have a prideful heart. And have I mentioned unnatural? But, I love these verses that Sam picked, because I feel that they really highlight God’s fairness and justice.

When I was a little girl and had troubles with people at school I always remember my Grandma would say to me “kill ‘em with kindness”. When I was a big girl and having troubles with people at college I always remember my Grandma saying to me “kill ‘em with kindness”. During these times I was an unbeliever. And I never listened to what she said. In fact, I thought she was kind of old and out-dated to be telling me to be nice when I really wanted to ‘put people in their place’ for how they had mistreated me. But then one day, I decided to try out her wisdom in a situation. I went out of my way to ‘kill ‘em with kindness’ and wouldn’t you know it, when I was kind to my ‘enemy’, and forgiving, and purposely reached out to them despite my mistreatment, it went better for me. No bitterness grew up in my heart against them, and I didn't become consumed with the situation. At one point with one particular situation I saw this verse come to perfect fruition as my offender eventually came to me feeling the effects of these burning coals on their head. In guilt and displaying a sorrowful heart they asked for my forgiveness.

I’ve been on the other side of this too. I’ve had to seek the forgiveness from another who I mistreated. And the burden lifted from my shoulders when this person forgave me was something that I will never forget.

God’s way is always better. Even when it seems so strange and unnatural. Even when the world we live in tells us to behave a different way. Even when our prideful and selfish heart prods us to seek revenge. I love it that Sam is starting to be able to open up the scriptures and search for meaning and find hidden treasures. God’s wisdom is timeless and always applicable (and Grandma’s wisdom, born of God’s wisdom is too). :)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Weighing In On Transracial Adoption

This topic keeps coming up in my little world so I need to share some thoughts. Awhile ago I was talking to a friend who recently adopted an infant from Africa. She shared numerous stories with me of how she and her husband have faced persecution because they are a white/Caucasian couple who have adopted a black/African child. Her stories of other’s negative comments and actions towards them were mostly of strangers who saw them out in public with their child and decided to voice their opinions on their transracial adoption. When my friend was sharing these heart-breaking stories with me, my jaw literally dropped to the floor. I absolutely cannot believe that people would actually behave in this manner towards another human because they adopted a child of a different race. It just blows my mind.

And just this week, another family who recently has started the adoption process emailed me about issues of race coming up in discussions with extended family members since they too are a white couple, adopting an African child. My friend had a superb question for me. She asked: As Christians, do we still have to live black vs. white or couldn't we try to love and accept one another as the family of God? Or is it too naive to think that way?

So, I believe it’s time for me to weigh in on this topic. Thankfully I don’t need to eloquently figure out how to word my thoughts on this, because someone else has already done that for me. Good old Russell Moore. Let me share a short excerpt on this topic from his book:

Right now there are untold numbers of children – many, many of them from racial minorities – tied up in the foster care system in the United States. Can any of us honestly believe it would be better for an African-American child to remain in this bureaucratic limbo than to be a child to parents whose skin is paler than his? Who could really suggest it would be better for a white Russian child to live in an orphanage until she is dismissed at eighteen to a life of suicide or homelessness or prostitution than for her to grow up with loving African-American parents?

This approach loves the abstract notion of “humanity” more than it loves real, live human beings. It neatly categorizes persons according to their racial lineages rather than according to their need for love, for acceptance, for families. As Christians, we can’t see things that way. Our love for neighbor means we must prioritize the need for families for the fatherless, regardless of how their skin colors or languages line up with one another.

This author brings up the point of putting the need for a family for an orphan as priority over skin color. Let me also touch on our personal experience in adopting a child out of poverty. Because I have physically been to Africa and experienced what is even only a tiny fraction of the poverty there, I would like to defend the fact that regarding Africa, adoption is chosen by birthmothers as a means of SURVIVAL. Racial preference isn’t even on the radar. I understand that it is extremely hard for the typical American to comprehend that people are actually starving…TO DEATH. But I’ve seen it. I understand that it is extremely hard for the typical American to comprehend the amount of children spending EVERY WAKING MOMENT in an over-crowded orphanage or foster care home, with no family. But I’ve seen it. I understand that it is extremely hard for the typical American to comprehend that there are seriously children LIVING ON THE STREET with no caretaker. But I’ve seen it. I understand that it is extremely hard for the typical American to comprehend that there are school age children who have not and never will have the opportunity to be educated. But I’ve seen it. The typical American doesn’t want to hear about the young African girl who has to sell her body in prostitution so that she can have money to buy food. The typical American hasn’t ever met an African mother and father who are giving their two boys in adoption because malaria is killing the children in their village since there is no access to good food, water, or medicine. When your child is dying next to you of starvation, I can imagine that the last thing on your mind is that you really don’t want your child to get food if it is provided by someone of a different race. But the typical American hasn't first-hand experienced any of these scenarios. And, what is frustrating is when people who have never experienced this sort of poverty have negative and critical reactions to transracial adoption. This is what I would say to anyone who would personally attack our own transracial adoption: Look my child in the eye and tell him that you would rather he starved to death than be raised by a white family. Say it to his face.

Take a look at this picture of us with Justice’s birthmother….

This was the first night that she ever met us. Does it look she is concerned that she is giving her son over to be raised by white parents? No. She was so thrilled that she could give this opportunity to Justice that she didn’t stop thanking us and praising us and hugging us and kissing us and praying with us and smiling ear to ear the entire time she was around us.

Now, back to my friends who have been persecuted outrightly by strangers regarding their adoption. They also had the opportunity to meet their son’s birthmother, who was a 15 year old young girl. It still gives me goosebumps thinking of how they described the moments when they met her. With tears my friend has shared with me how joyfyul this birthmother was in knowing that her son had been given a family that would care for him and give him opportunities.

Over a month ago I also got to sit in the home of another adoptive family and watch close to a 3 minute video of their children’s birthmother praising God that her son and daughter had been adopted out of the extreme poverty of Haiti. This birthmother sang praise songs to her children (who were adopted by an all-white family) after she had gotten to watch a video clip of her birthdaughter dancing and twirling with her new Caucasian sisters (the birthmother had gone back to the orphanage where she had left her children to see if they had made it through the earthquake and the staff showed her the video). This birthmother was so thankful that her children were saved and were going to have hope for a better life that she couldn't stop singing. It was BEAUTIFUL!

I remember easily the story that our pastor shared in church of the day that he and his wife got to meet the birthparents of the two boys they adopted from Ethiopia. The first reaction of the birthparents upon meeting our pastor and his wife (a white family who was adopting their African boys) was to fall on their knees in tears and praise God. They kept saying thank you, thank you, thank you.

I understand that some will read this post and say that I am biased because our family has done a trans-racial adoption. But don’t call me biased because of that. Call me biased because I have been to the continent where 46 million orphans are waiting for someone to give them an opportunity at life. Call me biased because last week two days before Thanksgiving we got a phone call from a young bi-racial 16 year old who had just gotten kicked out of his foster care home and put in a youth shelter. His parents had reliquinshed their parenting rights years ago when he was 3 years old and he had no other family to turn to in his desperate need. So who was the first person he called for help? His basketball coach….my husband. And my husband worked his tail off for a day and a half trying to find a family in our community licensed for foster care who would take in this young man, permanently. And at the last hour, just before this boy’s case worker was about to head home for Thanksgiving break, my husband found a family for this young man. And guess what, they are an all-white family. And guess what, this young boy did not have to spend his Thanksgiving in a youth shelter. Now he lives with this family in our community and he has been texting my husband every single day thanking him and telling him how awesome his new family and school are.

Sometimes I would like to take the people who make these negative transracial adoption comments and stick them in an orphanage or in foster care and make them live there for a few years. Then I will come back and interview them ask them if they still would like to ensure that a child is never adopted by someone of a different race. It just doesn’t make sense to me. In my opinion it is NOT better for a child to spend his or her entire life housed in an orphanage than to be raised by a mommy and daddy of a different race. In my opinion it is NOT better for a child to live on the street, homeless, with no parents than to be raised by a mommy and daddy of a different race. In my opinion it is NOT better for a child to starve to death or die of a preventable disease than to be raised by a mommy and daddy of a different race. Absolutely not. Orphans need a family. And food. And shelter. Not to mention education, good medicine, and access to opportunity. And these things take priority over race.