Monday, January 23, 2012


“You’re a mistake.”

“You’re a demon-child.”

This is what she has been told, by a man who calls himself her father.

A man who she so desperately wants to please, but fails to again and again.

He never wanted her. He tells her this face to face. He tells her this often. She buries her so-said worthlessness deep inside, and lives up to his low expectations because that’s what he says she’ll amount to afterall….nothing.

“You don’t understand!” she tells us with her heart exposed. “You don’t know what it’s like to have someone tell you over and over that you were a mistake! You don’t know how it feels.” Sobbing. Emptied. Rejected.

The one time that I am thankful for my past is now. In this conversation. I do know how it feels. Mine was a silent abandonment, not an out-loud one like hers. But still a big, fat, UN-Wanted. Just to hear an “I love you” from him. Just to have a father’s arms wrap you up and protect you from the crazy world. Just to feel valued in his eyes so you don’t have to go looking for it in other men when you are too young, too vulnerable, too needy for affection and worth. Just to hear him say, “You can be anything you want to be. You can do it. I believe in you,” and to see the confidence in his eyes. Just to have him say to your date, “Have her home by 11:30pm – or else.” Just to feel the comfort that he cares and wants to protect you like all good fathers want to protect their daughters. Just a phone call. Just a birthday card….just….anything….

Missing pieces.

Broken heart.

Scarred, damaged, and full of baggage for all future relationships.

Yet, there is hope.

Something she refuses to embrace yet, but maybe, just maybe this is how she will begin to SEE.

You see, she can be adopted. No not an earthly, physical adoption. A spiritual one.

“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18
He can be her Father.

He’ll receive her with open arms and rejoice with His angels in heaven over their relationship. In the same way I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents. Luke 15:10

She’ll find in Him that she was certainly no mistake. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139: 14-16

In fact He has great plans for her, a purpose for her life. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

He won’t get drunk and in his stupor tell her how worthless she is. In fact, He’s gone to great lengths to show her His love. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

He sure ain’t the leaving kind. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5

While others push her away, His arms wait for her. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Psalm 27:10

These are His promises. This is His character. Whisperings of ultimate worth. I created you. I want a relationship with you. I love you. Leave your life of sin behind, and thirst no more. Rest. Peace. No striving. No hiding. Guidance into purpose. Strong arms of refuge. Complete fulfillment that enables healthy relationships with others. Protection......

She looks out the window, waiting for the mail to come. As soon as it does she runs out to the box, hopeful, expectant. Each and every day she is the first to open the mailbox. Day after day disappointment and sunkeness await. And she comes back in. “My Dad said he’s going to write me. His letter should be coming soon.”

She will wait. And wait. And wait for that letter. For just a tiny spark, a tiny showing that he thinks of her.

And He will wait - her Heavenly Father. He will wait and wait and wait for her change of heart. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). A book full of letters He has written her. Unfailing love He offers her. An awful-beautiful death on a cross ready to purchase her life and grant an adoption. An adoption unlike any other. An adoption that would give her the right to call the King of the universe “Dad”…. received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. Romans 8:15-16
If she messes up she won’t find Him keeping a record of her wrongs to hold it against her. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12


Mindy said...

Glad for this conversation. Will pray for more. Will pray for realness. Will pray for truth.

Lisa said...

I loved this post, Janel--especially after our conversation yesterday. Praying that she will see the Truth...and that you will continue to speak and live out Christ's love to her.

Steph said...

In tears...what a heart-wrenching reality for her. Praying that she will SEE and that He will be glorified in her.