Lost for Words with All to Say

Samuel’s mother did sign the adoption papers, and in fact Kofi sent us a scanned copy of the document the next day (Saturday)! This guy knows how to get things done! It was exciting, yet sad. I am torn between those two feelings. I am happy for Samuel and so sad for his mother all at the same time. I truly understand how the word bittersweet feels now. My thoughts turned to her this weekend time and time again. As I thought about her I kept thinking that her decision is so brave and unselfish. And, I wanted to tell her that, which is why this weekend I sat down to write the letter to her that I’ve somewhat been procrastinating because I didn’t want to go through the emotions of writing it. I think this is also a reason why I so wanted God to give us a ‘true’ orphan with no parents in the picture….because I didn’t want to feel the emotions I am feeling now about watching a parent give up their child. This is the one thing that makes adoptions from Ghana so unique. I’ve talked about it before, but there are very few orphanages in Ghana, and the ones up and running are looked down upon by the citizens. So, children available for adoption are often still living with their parents…as Samuel currently is (as far as U.S. legalities go, Samuel must be put into a foster care situation from now on, but up until this point he’s been with his mother). In other African countries a mother or father is able to take their child/children to an orphanage, where they will likely be taken in and at least have their basic needs met. Without this sort of set up in Ghana, parents who can’t provide for their children are faced with this reality every day…practically watching their children starve, and yet knowing that there is nothing they can do about it. I can’t even imagine what this feels like as a parent….it’s been hard enough just watching it from the outside looking in.

As I sat to write Samuel’s mother the letter I thought what words on the face of this earth could even be comforting or thankful or descriptive enough to explain to her that her decision is so unbelievably awesome? I don’t know. What do I tell the person who is trusting the life of her child to us? My mind almost can’t even formulate it. In the past year I’ve learned through blogging that I do love to write. And maybe sometimes I write too much and not so concisely….but this time, as I began her letter, I sat and sat and sat staring at a blank page, through my tears. So unsure of where to even begin.

But, you know what? There is a happy ending to this story. Happy because as far as I am concerned, this is an OPEN adoption. Even though no one has officially named it that, I realized this weekend that it will be just that. For those of you who don’t know adoption lingo, an open adoption means that there is communication between the adoptive family and birth family. Even visits together every so often. Some agencies write up a legal agreement outlining details of how this relationship will look. This is contrary to a closed adoption in which there is no obligation or legal agreement that the adoptive family must be in contact with the birthparent(s). In just the few short months that we’ve developed a relationship with Kofi, I am certain that if I write up updates regarding Samuel, or send over pictures, I know he will care enough to get them to Samuel’s mother (who's name is Jennifer by the way). I also know that with Jake’s projects in Ghana, we will most likely be making at least 1 trip a year to Ghana, and so these trips would be a great time for Samuel to visit his mother, if she and he are up for it. Through our adoption training I’ve read some accounts of adoptive children who in fact do not want to re-visit their country/birthparents for quite some time. For them it was emotionally unimaginable to think about going back to the conditions they were just barely surviving in. However, I’ve talked with one other family who has adopted (domestically) and has this sort of open relationship with the birthparents of their children, and the re-connecting visits have gone well, although they are very emotional.

I am not really sure how to picture the day that we meet both of them. I have no idea what it will be like. Knowing myself I’ll probably just cry the entire time. I am excited to meet them…can you imagine what that will be like?!?!?! God has a plan for Samuel’s life. I hope to at least be able to reassure Samuel’s mother of that….but, I am sure she already knows.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.