Grandma's Story ~ To Heaven and Back

Thursday morning, June 11th, 2015. I had missed Mom’s call. But I heard the buzz of a text. I walked into the kitchen to check my phone.

Call me. Ambulance took Gramma to ER. Unresponsive. 

A quick call to Mom solidified the dread. She had stopped by my Grandma’s house on her way into work as she’d been doing all week. Grandma had recently had gall bladder surgery a week prior and was on the up and up, recovering well at home. But on this morning, my Mom found something had gone horribly wrong. As she walked in the house she heard what sounded like deep snoring, but as she rounded the corner and found my Grandma laying sideways, sprawled halfway out of bed – like she had tried to get up – Mom realized what she was really hearing was very labored breathing. She tried to wake my Grandma but to no avail. In so doing, she noticed a red-purple, swollen tongue. Mom – a former RN, quickly called 911. Minutes later the ambulance had arrived and sped Grandma off to the closest hospital near her small town. She was unresponsive, not awake, not tracking with her eyes, but her arms and legs were moving.

The small town hospital said they needed to try to stabilize Grandma and uncover a diagnosis before transferring her the 45 minute drive to the big town hospital that was better equipped to handle her. But in the balance of trying to unearth what had happened to know how to treat her, Grandma’s life slowly began slipping away. They kept her comfortable with oxygen and fluids, but her now empty stare - head turned - eyes fixed hard off to one side - still no responding - seemed to invite reality that no one wanted. The nurses’ words to Mom hung in the air…stale, vacant, not willing to be received…

“She might not pull out of this.” 

My white-haired Grandma....so full of joy, speaker of the best one-liners, lavisher of the warmest-unconditional love - you could do anything to her and she’d take you right back, maker of delicious strawberry pie, who stills calls a couch a ‘sofa’, she who gets delightfully giddy over ‘having company’, and perhaps the only one of us who downright enjoys the commotion of all our kids loud and tornado-like – one time I apologized for the sheer crazy of us all and she said, “Oh don’t kid yourself – I LOVE it!” And she meant it. “Just being together,” she’d always say. That was joy to her and she’d always write down little notes about our time together in her notebook that sat by her chair. She had just celebrated her birthday a month ago - #75…but now…this….could it really be over? Was God really going to call her home? Grandma had been a Christ-follower for many years, and we all had a peace that the Lord had given her a good, long life and that her inheritance after death would be eternal life in heaven. But no matter how many years you’ve shared, you still want more….

As I talked with God about His plans for her, He didn’t prepare me for death. Instead, He began revving up my faith. I started recalling dreams that the Lord had given me over the past year in which Grandma was present at future family events that hadn’t yet come to pass. This led me to rehearse and pray out something that He’d been teaching me from John chapter 11….that sometimes when it looks like the show is over….He’s really just setting the stage…setting Himself up for glory.

I began to receive the discernment that she would fully recover. Sometimes, faith can surprise you when the reality of the circumstances don’t match up. But if you’re going to follow after Jesus, then you’ve got to be okay with surprises.

Hours passed, and eventually the small hospital doctors had some sort of diagnosis of an infection in Grandma’s lung and a finding of a seizure. There was more to uncover, but they felt she could now be transferred. However, the doctors forewarned Mom that Grandma was in critical condition and may not make it through the drive. We felt the weight of it - her life was hanging by a thread…but aren’t we all?

The bigger hospital seemed to be her only shot at making it long term. Mom gave the go-ahead for her to be transferred. And so we prayed. “I’m just praying that God is speaking to her, revealing Himself to her while she is unresponsive.” That was Mom’s prayer.

Upon reaching the bigger hospital, Grandma was crashing, death’s shadow closing in. Immediately upon arrival a respiratory tube went in to physically sustain her life. She was then taken to ICCU, where she was sedated into a coma.

Rounds of tests ensued. Eventually the doctors were able to trace the results to give understanding of what had happened (of course this was integral to know then how to treat her): It all started with a seizure in the night. They believe the seizure had happened due to an unknown too-high blood pressure event that possibly was a leftover effect from her recent surgery. During the seizure she vomited, which she then inhaled back into her lungs. (This fluid later developed into aspiration pneumonia.) Because of this fluid in her lungs, she was not getting adequate oxygen to her brain and heart and she then had a heart attack. On top of all this, she had also developed sepsis – a life threatening blood infection in and of itself. No one was sure at what time of night the seizure had occurred and hence how long she had been without adequate oxygen. Of course, this then put forth the grave prospect that if she did recover, she could have brain damage. At this point her mental status could not be evaluated by the neurologist because of the sedation that was helping her body to rest and fight. So we were left to wait. And pray. Sometimes when things are at their worst, that’s the time to believe the most.

Mid-afternoon, we received news from the big hospital doctors that changed everything. The doctor and cardiologist said that all the things that had happened to Grandma were reversible. I had never been more in love with a word in my life. The doc said Grandma’s condition was now stable. Her heart damage was ‘not bad’. The neurologist assessed her next. He said he was observing no signs of stroke at this time, and did not see any signs of it or a brain bleed on the CT scan. He noted that she was fighting the tube in her throat which he said was good that she was gagging.

And we laughed. We laughed for the first time since morning. “That’s our girl!” we said. Because if you know Grandma, she is a gagger. Just the thought of going to the dentist could send her into a gagging spell. Once when I was a little girl I went to her appointment with her and I still remember the hygienist giving her a pep talk through the x-rays as she sat gagging and spitting out the mouthpiece just about each time that the picture was almost taken. I think it took 45 minutes to get the x-rays. And she’d always gag at dirty diapers, and certain smells, and would sympathy gag when other people would gag. So this…this was fantastic. Faith can surprise you and faith can make you laugh even when it’s dark and faith can bring a turn of events in a moment - in a single word. Reversible. And isn't everything under His hand reversible...redeemable afterall?

Late that night Jake and I visited Grandma in ICCU where Mom hadn’t left her side. Grandma looked like people do in the movies. All hooked up. Unconscious. Fragile. Still so many things yet unknown. The respiratory machine’s steady breaths were the backdrop to our prayers. Jake started… “Lord, if You’re going to bring her back, bring her back fully. Completely. Please give her a sound mind, restore her mind and body entirely…otherwise Lord, please take her home…”

I finished… “Lord, it says in your Word that when the Centurion’s servant was dying and He sent word to You to ask You to come and heal him, the Centurion had faith that if you’d just speak it – just send your Word – that his servant would be healed. Lord, we have this faith. We believe that you can just send your Word and heal her completely…”

Mom quietly affirmed and praised and thanked as we prayed. Tomorrow would tell. We headed home, and waited for Glory.

* * * 

June 12, 2015

The docs started weaning Grandma off the sedation to allow her to wake up. She opened her eyes. Wiggled her fingers a bit. Mom said it was hard to tell if Grandma recognized her. Mom was telling her things and Grandma would shake her head yes like she understood. She was still unable to talk because of the breathing tube. She had an MRI scheduled to double clear her for a stroke and to check her brain. After that, the nurse kept her off sedation the rest of the day. Grandma is a popular one in our small town, so she had lots of visitors that trickled in to see her that afternoon while she was awake, but none that Mom could tell that Grandma showed signs of recognizing.

I couldn’t wait to go and see her. I got there early evening. When I walked in, her eyes were closed. Mom began to wake her, nudging her arm gently, “Janel’s here,” she said.

Grandma’s eyes opened and as she turned to look at me I said, “Hi Grandma…. it’s Janel. I came to see you.” And then. Grandma’s eyes crinkled up into a smile and tears filled her eyes and rolled down her face. As I continued to talk to her she just kept trying to smile as best she could, hindered only by the respiratory tube still down her throat….the soft tears rolling slowly, gracefully down her cheeks. I looked at Mom who was in a puddle of tears all her own. We knew it. She recognized me! Her emotions and thoughts were there! Faith can surprise you and faith can make you smile even when you’re in the unknown and faith can bring a turn of events in a moment - in the crinkling of an eye.

I smiled all the way home.

The nurses told us that chances were good that Grandma could get her respiratory tube taken out tomorrow. She was doing most of the breathing on her own with just a little assistance from the machine now.

Tomorrow would tell. We went to sleep, and waited for Glory.

* * * 

June 13, 2015

The neurologist was in. He had the results from the MRI and said he was seeing a reversible encephalopathy called PRES in Grandma’s brain. Basically it meant that there was swelling on her brain. There was nothing to do for it, but he expected it to go down on its own over time. This condition mimicks the effects of a stroke, but it is not a stroke. He said this is why it seems she doesn’t always recognize everyone so far. All I knew was there was that word reversible again. Love marks of a Redeemer. Grandma was also able to follow the commands of the neuro test (wiggle your toes, squeeze hands, follow the light with your eyes). Everything was still a go to remove her breathing tube in the afternoon. We knew this would be the big reveal of how things were functioning in her brain – when she could finally communicate with us verbally.

At 2:09pm the excitement began…

At 3:25pm we were eclipsed by glory…

You better believe I busted a move into that hospital room. When I arrived, Grandma had her eyes closed, Mom was at her side, and the nurses were busy in the background. No more wires and tubes going everywhere – no lull of the breathing machine. Just one IV in her neck and something else hooked to her hand. I took Grandma’s hand and repeated the words I had said yesterday, “Hi Grandma…it’s Janel. I came to see you…”

She opened her eyes, lifted her head up with a start and looked at me, but didn’t recognize me this time. She gently rested her head back on her pillow and loudly proclaimed, “I see heaven! I see heaven! Beautiful. Beautiful…”

I looked at Mom, not understanding what was going on. Mom’s eyes were clouded with tears and she choked out a whisper, “She told me that too.”

I looked back at Grandma, the Spirit already testifying inside of me, “You got to see heaven, Grandma?”

“Yes! Beautiful….beautiful…”

Sometimes someone else can be your burning bush.

I looked up at the nurses, busy in the background. They didn’t seem to notice that we were standing on Holy Ground.

“When they took the tube out,” Mom said at a low whisper, “she was breathing at a 97 all on her own – even with pneumonia filled lungs. With the tube in you breathe at 100. The nurse said they’d never seen anything like it before – she didn’t even need any oxygen once it came out…”

Sometimes He speaks through a bush in flames. Other times, you just have to pay attention in a hospital room.

Mom and I spent the afternoon just soaking Grandma up – miracle that she was. As we talked with her many things would register, and some would not. She’d have us giggling one minute with comments like,“We have to have Thanksgiving! Feed those kids!” and flooding the room in our tears with the next, like when she turned to Mom and said, “I knew you’d be here Lori, cause that’s love.” Yet the one thing that remained constant was that she did not stop talking about her trip up to heaven. She told the nurses, she told the doctors, and she’d bring it up in the middle of conversations.

“I was too close to heaven if I wanted to live.”

“Yep, defeated the devil.”

To Mom, “I’m saved and so are you.” And, “ I’m going to heaven!” To which Mom said, “Not yet!” and then Grandma replied in return, “Nope - not yet.”

“I was there. Beautiful. I was there. Indescribable.”

 * * * 

June 14th, 2015

Today she kept telling everyone, “I’m a Christian!”

She got to start eating puree food and by the time Jake and I got to the hospital to visit her late afternoon, they had busted her out of ICCU and given her a bright sunshine-filled room on the 4th floor.

And that wasn’t all that had changed. As Jake and I talked with her it was a NIGHT AND DAY difference from the day before. Her comprehension and recognition was right on. She was stringing thoughts together like normal ‘ol Gram. We talked about everything from the NBA playoffs and how Grandma does not like Lebron James (“he’s selfish” :)) to her making JJ’s strawberry pie for his birthday coming up, to more details about her trip up to heaven.

“I was there. I just went up, up, up (motioning with her hands) and then came back down and it was just peace on the way down. Just peace.”

* * * 

As the days passed by with Grandma in recovery at the hospital, we literally encountered the Lord healing her body seemingly by the hour. First He strengthened her arms and hands and her motor skills and dexterity returned. Eventually she was able to sit up in a chair in her hospital room, then feed herself with utensils, then stand with the assistance of the nurse, then walk down the hallway with a walker, then attempt stairs, then shower on her own. The neurologist was in to test her daily and it seemed that as each hour, each afternoon, each day went by, her recognition and memory returned fully as the swelling ceased. She was passing tests and checking off boxes and reaching mile-markers every which way we turned. When you are in the middle of a miracle you can hardly believe He’s writing you right into the story.

In the days that followed, as I told and re-told the story of what had happened, I kept wanting to change Grandma’s first words about heaven from “I see heaven!” to “I saw heaven!”. Every writer wants to be grammatically correct after all. But then, the Lord showed me something.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. [2 Corinthians 4:18]

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. [Colossians 3:1-2]

Eternal perspective was always meant to be present tense. It’s not just a one time happening of seeing God - an eclipse of His glory that then passes to the past. It’s a day to day way to live, way to see. It’s exclaiming as Grandma did each day of our lives, “I see heaven! It’s beautiful. I’m going to heaven!” We can let it - the thought of going - keep us going. Let it keep our minds right. Let it keep us focused and determined. Let it be our wisdom, our guard so we don’t fall for the trickery - the bribery - the glitter of this world. And then maybe, just maybe no matter our earthly troubles, no matter our pain, no matter our loss, no matter our day, no matter our wounds – our scars – our failures – our battles – maybe when we keep our eyes on heaven right now, then maybe like Grandma, we too can live in peace.

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” [John 16:33]

Saturday June 20th, they kicked Grandma out of the hospital – and she got to go HOME. Not to a care center, not to a nursing home, not to her real home in heaven yet, but to her little earthly home in Green Mountain, Iowa.  And her sister came over and did her hair within the hour. :)

So the story ends good you see. And no, not every ambulance ride, not every brush with death, not every hospital stay has a happy ending…but every ending can be happy when you are in Christ.

And one day, just like it did for Grandma, our faith will become sight.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God.  Trust also in Me.  In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I am going there to prepare a place for you." John 14:1-2

Death Has Lost Its Sting

It was the summer leading up to my junior year of college.  It had been a normal day – went to the rec center in the morning, laid out in the sun with friends, and was just getting ready to go check my work schedule for the upcoming week at the restaurant where I waitressed.   It was late in the evening when I received a phone call that rocked me to the core.  It was a friend from high school.  Her voice was usually giddy, happy, and full of energy.  But not this time.  Her tone was serious and she got straight to the point.  “Have you heard yet….about Jon?”

I hadn’t heard.  But from her abnormally calm and quiet voice I knew what had happened.  The plague of deaths that had picked off our group of friends seemingly one-by-one during our high school years had hit again.  But this time it was different.  Jon, better known to us as “Jonny T” was my closest friend for a season of my life in high school, as he was to many others.  Our friendship had grown apart since I went to college, mainly because of the sheer logistics of distance.  But Jon was one of my most favorite friends.  Everybody loved being around him with his witty sarcasm and loyal heart. 

That summer evening my friend had called to tell me that Jon had died.  He’d had a diabetic attack during his sleep….and never woke up.  And so began my journey with the reality of death.  I’d experienced death before with other classmates and older family members.  But this time, it was a little too close for comfort.

Most people would never admit their deep down fear of death.  The fear of not knowing when we will die or how.  The fear of the unknown of what you will experience in those moments of death, and what about after?  The vulnerability and loss of control that surrounds death is easier to push away or cover up then to have to deal with the thoughts and search out answers.  Because we’re scared of what the answers might be.  It is my experience that some plan out their grave stone, plot of land where they’ll be buried, and their funeral more than they make plans for the most important part - where they will spend eternity once they’ve left their body behind.

And might I interject, with it being October and all, that in this mix somewhere is where I believe Halloween comes in.  No, I don’t know the history of the holiday – how it all started and why.  But it is my opinion that Halloween is an attempt by our American society/culture to make light of death.  To give a little humor, a little light-heartedness, to a subject that if we were honest with ourselves really, really scares us – to death. 

When I received that phone call that summer I was not yet a Christian. I went to Jon’s funeral devastated and I mourned deeply with his family who had just a few years earlier experienced the suicide of Jon’s older brother.  I left Jon’s funeral angry at the pastor who shared truth, but truth that my hardened heart wasn’t ready to hear yet.  Truth that I passed off as unfair judgment.  Most of all I came away with a devastatingly uneasy feeling that life is short and uncertain.  Yes, I believed there was a God.  Yes, I told myself that Jon was in a happier place.  But saying that didn’t give me any peace.  On the outside I acted like it did.  When I looked into the eyes of Jon’s grieving parents I felt like it was the proper thing to say.   But I was really saying it because it made me feel better, and I wanted them to feel better too.  The truth was, I really didn’t know. 

Today I want to tell you that you can really know.  You can know what will happen to you after you die.  The fear and unknown that surrounds death can be replaced with hope, confidence, and yes – even excitement and a longing for it.  Yes, I really said that.  Let’s start here…

Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son (Jesus) also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. Hebrews 2:14-15 (NLT)

and

Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled: “Death is swallowed up in victory.  O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?”  For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.  1 Corinthians 15:54-57 (NLT)

Now, perhaps if this is the first time you’ve ever read those verses then you might not fully be able to wrap your mind around what it is saying.  But I bet you caught these phrases that I also bolded in the verses: SET FREE (from) THE FEAR OF DYING and VICTORY OVER DEATH.

Death can lose its sting, IF you are trusting in the Only One who has power over it.  We humans can do a lot of things.  But one thing we can’t do is resurrect ourselves.  Jesus promises us a resurrection.  This is His work, and it will come. 

Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die. Do you believe this, Martha?” John 11:25-26 (NLT)

You could take out Martha’s name and insert yours.  This is a question you need to ask yourself, if you are ready to look into death.  In this verse Jesus is giving us His word that this life is not the end.  Elsewhere in the Bible He reminds us not to get too attached to this world – to the things of it, the people of it, the good or the bad of it.  Rather, we should rejoice that this world is not our home.  We’re aliens here.  Passing through.  A vapor of a life that when ‘gone’ will step into eternity. 

That’s part 1 of what I’ve learned about death.  Jesus says, yes - INDEED there is another life after this one.  Now, part 2….

The Bible also warns that this stepping into eternity is not an event we want to face without Jesus speaking on our behalf.  Because…

…each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment… Hebrews 9:27 (NLT)

Clearly, the Bible says once we die, we are going to be judged.  But who is doing the judging? 

For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.  It is written: “As surely as I live,” says the Lord, “every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.”  So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.  Romans 14:10-12 (NIV)

Well, that pretty much answers it.  We are going to be judged by God.  And when you are standing in front of an Almighty, Righteous, and Holy God, I can guarantee that you are not going to be applauding yourself.  In fact, every time someone in the Bible was brought into the presence of God, they were shaking in their sandals, and what flooded their minds was not the good they had done in their life, but the wrong and the bad.  That’s what happens when you are in the presence of Holiness….you realize that you are so….not….holy.  When I look back on it now, I know this is what I had feared all along regarding death.  Not necessarily the actual dying.  But the looming of God’s judgment that would come shortly after.

Now, here’s the good news.  Jesus is going to be there at our judgment. 

For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 2:5 (NIV)

And this is the point in which He will speak on our behalf.  But it’s not all streets of gold and pearly gates yet.  Because, this is where Jesus will say that He either knew you, or He didn’t (read Matthew 7:21-23).  And that’s the deciding factor of where you will spend eternity.

Knowing Jesus, and being known by Him implies a relationship.  This will be a judgment of faith – of our acceptance of Jesus as Savior.  This life, RIGHT NOW, is our opportunity to do just that.  We won’t get another chance once we are standing face to face with Him in our death.  We won’t be able to change our minds (repent) then.  This is it.  Now, in this life, is our chance…

The message is very close at hand; it is on your lips and in your heart.  And that message is the very message about faith that we preach: If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.  As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.” Romans 10:8-11 (NLT)

Might I add that the evidence of this faith is obedience.  So this isn’t just some prayer that you pray to sound religious - to check off your ‘God list’ and then go live how you want.  This is a decision of the heart that will overflow in the way you think and the way you live.  You can say you are a Christian until you are blue in the face.  But Jesus will know whether this faith took root in your heart or not.  In addition, once this does take root in your heart, God sends the Holy Spirit to live inside of your physical body.  This is another ‘evidence’ of faith.  Trust me, I know what it is like to live without the Holy Spirit.  You will know once the Holy Spirit is living inside of you.

The Bible says that we are able to know whether or not we have a relationship with Jesus before we die.  Therefore, as you sit and read this right now you will know.  You will either have peace as you think about death and the judgment that will come after, or you won’t.  Peace comes when you have trusted not in what you have (or haven’t done) in your life, but in what Jesus has done on your behalf.  He lived the perfect, blameless, sinless life that we ourselves could not and can not.  Then He died, taking your sins and my sins upon Himself.  By His death we get to trade in our sins for His righteousness.  We get Jesus' clean record in exchange for our dirty one.  This is what will allow us to stand blameless before the Father God.  Which brings us to confidence.  Confidence comes when you know that when God judges you, He won’t see your sin.  He’ll only see Jesus’ blood covering you in full payment and imparting to you the clean record, the holiness that you need to even step one foot in heaven.  Because nothing sinful can enter.  Excitement comes because YOU ARE GOING TO HEAVEN!  Longing for heaven comes, I believe in many ways.  When you experience pain and sadness in this life.  When you cry out for things in this world to be made right, fair and void of suffering.  When you hope that there is something more than just this life, something better – much better….and you find out that there is.  You can’t wait to get there.  That’s longing.  When the fear of death is replaced with all these things - peace, confidence, excitement, and longing - that’s when you know you’ve been pulled from the grave.  Freed from slavery over the fear of death.   It can be yours, through Jesus.  He died to take all your sins upon Himself so that you could have eternal LIFE.  In this, the offer stands for Him to speak for you to God the Father when your day of judgment comes.  Jesus has got you covered, if you accept His offer now, in this life.

Therefore he is able, once and forever, to save those who come to God through him. He lives forever to intercede with God on their behalf. Hebrews 7:25 (NLT)

Jesus + Nothing = Everything

A little over a year ago I was leaving church from my women’s bible study group at about 11am on a Thursday morning. I didn’t have my kids with me because Jake had happened to stay home with them that morning as we were going to be leaving for a tournament trip that afternoon. As I walked out the church doors I noticed a guy who looked to be in his late 20’s sitting propped up against a column outside. He had his cell phone in his hands and was looking straight ahead. As I went to walk past him I got this feeling that he needed something. But, since I have heard a few too many horror stories about this sort of scenario I walked on, heading straight towards my car. I almost turned around, but then didn’t and told myself that I was being sensible since I was all by myself and there was no one else in sight (all the other mamas from my bible study group were still gathering up their kids from their classrooms inside). As I got about 10 feet in front of the guy he called out to me, “Hey, you don’t happen to be heading into town, do ya?”

I turned around, “Um, yes,” I replied a little shaky.

“Well, could I get a ride from you? You see I was working on the pipelines in the construction area back there (pointing back behind our church) and all the other guys left for lunch. I was just finishing up some things and my cell phone died. I really need to get back into town because my girlfriend has to get to work and I told her I would be back to watch her son before then, and she doesn’t have a phone and…” His story went on for a few more sentences.

Classic story I thought to myself. In the next 10 seconds I began picking through his words in my mind to see if the details measured up. I believed that he probably was working on the construction behind our church because a bunch of workers have been out there for the past year working on stuff. He had on dirty work boots and construction looking clothes. However, I was little confused about why all the other workers would have left him there, and I was also confused as to why he didn’t just walk into our church into the office and call someone for a ride. Hmmmm….while I worked through these details the guy got up from the ground and stood there waiting for an answer. So, I said a quick prayer to God that went a little something like this Dear God, I am thinking about giving this guy a ride. If I should not do this, please stop me right now. Otherwise, please protect my life as I help him out. Please don’t let me wind up dead in a forest somewhere. Amen. A laughable prayer, but I was dead very serious.

So, I said I would give him a ride and off we went. We headed into Ames and I realized that this guy had a lot to say! He started asking me a few questions about our church. Then, this led him to say, “Yeah, I really need to get back to church. My life’s kinda messed up.” From that point on, for whatever reason, this guy went on to tell me his entire life story in the matter of about 10 minutes. I listened as he spoke about his past mistakes, and how his life was currently in shambles because of his poor decisions. As he spoke, I could see guilt spread across his face as he shared certain details with me and continued to say, “I hope you don’t think I am a bad person. I know I need to get my life in order. I need to get back to church.”

I started feeling awful for this guy and the burdens of guilt that he was carrying around. Eventually it was my turn to talk. He had mentioned multiple times this idea of ‘getting back to church’, so that’s where I started. And the first thing I said was “It’s not your church attendance that God wants. He wants your heart…”

In talking with my new friend, I had realized quickly what his impression of ‘the church’ from the outside looking in was. It seemed as though he thought that if he could add in a little ‘religious’ stuff to his life then his ‘bad’ could be outweighed by the good of doing ‘religious’ things – like going to church. I *totally* could relate to his way of thinking, because I used to believe this exact thing.

However, in the Bible, God makes it clear that this is NOT the way we can get right with Him. In Matthew 15: 7- 9 Jesus rebukes the Pharisees for this.

"You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain, their teachings are but rules taught by men.’"

Basically Jesus called them actors. They appeared to honor God because they looked ‘religious’ on the outside with all their traditions and rituals and church-going and worship. But they were so concerned with their outward appearance of looking religious that they neglected the one thing that God really wanted – their hearts.

This is where we need to understand the difference between ‘religion’ and the gospel. ‘Religion’ is about behavior modification. It’s about observing certain behavior policies, and refraining from others. It’s about cleaning up your act, and obeying rules, and following standards and displaying good behavior. The truth of the Bible - the gospel – makes it clear that God does NOT operate on this sort of points system that ‘religious’ acts promote. He doesn’t chalk up a point for us when we do something good, and then erase it when we do something bad. In other words, we don’t have a certain amount of points that we must score with Him in order to be on his ‘good side’. Interestingly, Jesus spoke about this exact thing over and over in the Bible during His ministry on earth. There is a perfect section of scripture that displays this in Luke 18:9-14~

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men – robbers, evildoers, adulterers – or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

The Pharisee had it all wrong. Getting right with God (termed justification in the Bible) isn’t about banking on the things we can do and our own ideas of how to get right standing with Him - like adding in some religious things or right living. That sort of heart attitude is prideful, and only trusts in SELF – an idea Jesus abolishes. In Isaiah 64:6 the Bible says all our righteous acts are like FILTHY RAGS.

The tax collector had it all right. His prayer showed the overflow of his heart. He stood there, praying to God, so ashamed of his sin that he couldn’t even look up to heaven. He was overwhelmed by his recognition that he was a sinner. He confessed that he desperately needed God’s help. He cried out for mercy. The Bible terms this heart attitude repentance.

And mercy is what Jesus came to give.

A repentant heart is ready to receive the awful-beautiful act of the cross. As the nails were pounded into the cross, so was our sin. As His blood poured out, so did His mercy. As His breath ended, He took the punishment we deserved for our sin. MERCY. FORGIVENESS. ATONEMENT. JUSTIFICATION. RIGHTEOUSNESS. GRACE. FREEDOM FROM THE SLAVERY OF SIN. ETERNAL LIFE. That is what He gave us. All of our supposed ‘religious acts’ that we try to chalk up in order to be on His good side are a bunch of junk in comparison. The gospel isn’t about us – what we have or haven’t done. It’s about what Jesus has done for us. One man. Son of God. Jesus Christ. Mighty Deliverer. Prince of Peace. Savior. He came to die. So we could be in right standing with God.

Ephesians 2:8-10 ~ God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

John 14:6 ~ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Until we realize that we are dependent people, who have NOTHING to give to God other than repentant hearts who are sickened over our sin and pasts, and ready for our Savior to rescue us, then we’ve missed it. We’ve missed the gospel and we’ve missed salvation. We’ve missed the point of Christmas and Easter and the whole entire point of our life. We can add in a bunch of ‘good’ acts to our life, but we’ll still miss it. We will continue to be God’s enemies, until we have hearts that trust in Jesus.

Jesus came first not to make bad people good, but to make dead people alive. ~Tullian Tchividjian~

Why Would A Loving God Send People to Hell?

Because He is just.

Imagine for a moment that you find yourself in a court room, observing the trial of a man who abducted, raped, and murdered a young child who lived next door to you (I am using this scenario because I think we would all agree that this man had committed horrendous sin). Now, what if the judge announced his ruling by looking the offender and murderer in the eye and saying, “You are free to go, just don’t do this again.” How would that sit with you?

I am guessing it would make you absolutely sick. In fact, our hearts would scream out for justice….that the convicted rapist and murderer would receive punishment for his crime, and would never be let out for fear that he would do the crime again. It just wouldn’t be right that someone who did something so awful would not have to be punished.

Now picture God as the judge. If we served a heartless, unaffected god that appeared to be an emotionless robot like the judge in the above scenario can you see how utterly frightening that would be? But we don’t. Rather scripture tells us that the Lord feels emotions! For example He is compassionate, He is tender, and He feels anger when He sees injustice. Furthermore, the Bible tells us that God grieves over our sins…

Genesis 6:5-6
The Lord saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.

Our sin affects God. So much so that the Bible tells us our sin separates us from Him (Romans 3:23) in the form of a spiritual death sentence (Romans 6:23). It has to be this way because sin cannot be in the presence of a holy God. Sin must be cast out of heaven, and no sin can enter heaven (Revelations 21:27).

By now you might be thinking as I used to - Wait a minute, wait minute I haven’t done anything that bad….I haven’t murdered anyone for goodness sakes! But the Bible tells us we are all sinners (1 John 1:8). Have you ever lied? Then you’ve sinned (Romans 3:9-13). Have you ever participated in wild living and drunkenness? Then you’ve sinned (Galatians 5:19-21). This poses quite a problem for us. In our sinful humanness we find ourselves facing a death sentence, awaiting punishment.

But because God IS LOVING (John 3:16) He did something unheard of. Something crazy. Something that has dumbfounded scholars and theologians and kings and the entire human race for years. He sent His very own Son into the world to die a criminal’s death IN OUR PLACE. God’s Son, Jesus, took the punishment WE deserve for OUR sin, so that we don’t have to serve our spiritual death sentence ~ hell.

Romans 3:25-26
God presented him (Jesus) as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished – he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

Sin cannot go unpunished. And God is just. But God is also loving. So He sent His Son to take the punishment for us. Justice AND love. Justice AND love. Justice AND love.

The Bible tells us that if we reject Jesus Christ, then we reject the payment for our sin (Hebrews 10:26). Which means that on our own judgement day (2 Corinthians 5:10) our sin will stand. It will condemn us (John 3:18). And we ourselves will have to pay. In hell. Forever.

Does God want people to go to hell? No. The very evidence of that is Jesus.

Will hell be a buddy-buddy party and celebration of moral badness and rebellion? No. The Bible speaks of being thrown alive into the fiery lake of burning sulfur, and of being tormented day and night forever and ever. It will be a place of sorrow, devoid of happiness. The Scriptures talk of worms (literally maggots), of an intense darkness, of people weeping and gnashing their teeth in extreme anguish, of being parched with thirst, and of remembering this life and of wishing for no one to join them. It’s a place of lonely suffering (The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus, pg 68).

The truth is that our loving God made a way for us to be saved from this eternal destruction - hell. His name is Jesus, and He is the only way to the Father (John 14:6), and to heaven itself (1 John 5:11-12).

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
~Isaiah 53:5-6~

It's Only the Beginning

At Christmas time we remember the beginning…..

An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel – which means, “God with us.” (Matthew 1:21-23)

But, do you know the end of the story?

Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him. (Hebrews 9:28)

HE IS COMING AGAIN. Are you waiting expectantly for him?

For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other. (Matthew 24:27,30-31)

This will be a glorious and dreadful day, all in one. For He will separate us into two groups: Believers on one side and unbelievers on the other.

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.” (Matthew 25:31-34)

Then he will say to those on his left, “Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.” (Matthew 25:41)

So, how do we know if we are a sheep or a goat?

The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him. (John 3:35-36)

Believe or reject. Sheep or goat.

God has given us the greatest gift of all at Christmas time.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)

The question is, what will we do with this gift? God gives each of us a choice. Believe….or….Reject. Look into the meaning of this gift and the choice that comes along with it. Please, don’t stop at the beginning, with a baby in a manager. Find out the rest of the story, and make a decision. Because, he is coming again.

For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. (John 6:40)

It's Like a Bridge

Imagine yourself on a bridge. You are on one side, and God is on the other. Imagine this bridge as your life.

As you travel through life on your bridge you realize something has gone terribly wrong…the center of the bridge is gone. There is an empty gap…you see the gap there on the bridge and you feel it in your heart. You long to be able to cross through the gap and reach God. You see others who have made it across their own bridge gap…somehow. You see them communing with God, full of joy. You see they have a hope inside of them that is certain of their inheritance of eternal life. They try to tell you how they made it across the gap in their bridge, however you don’t understand what they are saying. You feel choked and entangled with many things that bring even more confusion and fog onto your bridge. You aren’t sure what to do as the emptiness inside grows…an emptiness that you can only describe as some sort of uncertainty in your life. Sometimes the emptiness is loud and pronounced, and sometimes you hide it with other things…but you always feel it there. You look down over the edge of your broken bridge and see death awaiting you. Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death

You look to the other side of the bridge where God is and see life being lived to its fullest. You decide that you will try to build your own bridge to God, one that suits you well. You try this many times, in many different ways, and with many different things. But each time, your bridge falls short. Isaiah 64:6 All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags.

Then one day you hear of a construction worker who fixes broken bridges like yours…..you decide to let him work on the gap in your bridge, even though you feel it might be beyond repair. When you meet this construction worker, you feel like hiding. You are worried that he will come across your messes from before when you tried to build your own bridges. You worry that he can see that the gap in your bridge relates to the emptiness you hold inside. But, something tells you that you can trust this man to build your bridge, so you let him begin his work. Days pass as the man works. Then, some time later you find out some dreadful news…the construction worker has died while repairing your bridge. You cannot believe it. How could this be? All of his work….for nothing. But then, something tells you to lift your eyes. You look up…and you see your bridge…complete…the gap is no longer there. Could it be? You look across your bridge and see something amazing….the construction worker…he is alive, and seated at the right hand of God. He motions to you and yells something but you can’t quite hear him. You take a few shaky steps, wondering if the bridge will hold. And then his voice becomes so clear. He says, “It is finished!” Yes, the bridge is finished you say to yourself. But you don’t understand. It seems as though this construction worker died just for you…just to complete the bridge. The worker yells again, “God designed it this way from the beginning. This was the only way. I had to die so that the bridge could be finished.” 1 Peter 3:18 For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.

You are not sure that you understand, but you know it is true because you see it with your own eyes and you have begun to feel a peace inside of you where the emptiness once was. You look to the construction worker again and you see that he is motioning to you. He yells, “Come, follow me.” You are scared but you take a few more steps. You see that the bridge is sturdy, and you make your way towards God. You arrive at the other side of the bridge and you finally realize that this is where you were always meant to be. God looks much different up close…so different than how he looked from the other side of the bridge. Something in your heart has changed and you want to try and please God and you are excited to have a relationship with him. On this side of the bridge you are able to get a glimpse of heaven, and God tells you that since you let the construction worker repair your bridge, you can now be sure that you will be in heaven when you die; you will receive eternal life. Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Your life continues and there are still hard days, and there are still challenges. But, you now face struggles with a peace inside. A peace that reminds you every day that you no longer have to look over the edge of a broken bridge and fear death. You become so thankful to that construction worker, who layed down his life, so that you could have a relationship with God. He whose name is Jesus, and offers this gift to us all. Hebrews 2: 14-16 Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying.

This is not a fictional story. It is a true story that is my own. And, it too can be yours, if you will accept Jesus’ wonderful gift, and his invitation to bridge the gap.

Do You Know Where You're Going...

Do you know where you are going when you die? How can you be sure? There is only one way to heaven. “What a controversial statement” some would say. And it is controversial in our culture today because our world gives us a diverse menu of options to choose from en route to heaven. We can just pick the one that feels good, isn’t too uncomfortable, and puts us in a happy place so we can go on with life. But, the Bible tells us that the way to heaven is not a pick & choose combo, according to our tastes or beliefs. The Bible says there is only one way. Take a look:

John 3:16, 18 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

Romans 10:9 That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

1 John 5:11 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.

Matthew 7: 21 Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

John 6:40 For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.

Did you find the answer? Jesus. Acts 4:12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.

So, is just believing in God good enough to get into heaven? No. John 14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

What about being a good person and doing good things? Is a good resume of deeds the ticket to heaven? No. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Ephesians 2:9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. Galatians 2:17 So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by observing the law, because by observing the law no one will be justified.

But I go to church!?!? Isaiah 29:13 The Lord says: “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” It’s easy to go through the motions at church, but yet not believe or internalize anything you are hearing. Trust me, I did it for 7 years. God can see into our hearts and test the trueness of our faith.

Sometimes it is hard to ask ourselves tough questions like the one I am posing…and sometimes it is even harder to admit that a former belief we were trusting in was wrong. And, who wants someone else telling us how to live, right? I was one who thought that when I died and met God I would stand with him and look back on my life….and he would see that I was a pretty good person and into heaven I would go. I mean, of course I had my mistakes, but nothing too bad, right? But, once I started reading the Bible I realized that I should have looked into my route to heaven a little more before I had settled on its surety.

In light of these things, again I ask, on the day you die and stand before God, what will be your confidence that your name is written in the Lamb’s book of life? What option will you choose? One of the numerous options that our culture & media feeds us? Or the one option straight from God’s own word, the Bible?

Need to know who Jesus is before deciding? Or, wondering how to ‘look to the Son and believe’? Read the book of Matthew in the Bible located first in the New Testament. Reading 5 minutes a day is good start. I pray that you will look into these things and find truth.

Psalm 39:4-5
Show me, O Lord, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
each man’s life is but a breath.