Today marks 7 years since Justice was adopted into our family and arrived home on U.S. soil from Ghana, Africa. We have been studying the book of Acts together as a family and recently got to Acts 22. In that chapter the apostle Paul has just been arrested, but before he's taken off to the barracks he receives the opportunity to address the crowd who has gathered. We saw how this was a holy set up because Paul then proceeded to use this platform to share his testimony of how the Lord intersected and changed his life. As we took in Paul's example, Jake's challenge to us as a family was for each of us to prepare our own personal testimonies, and we've been sharing them one at a time with each other. I thought it would be fitting to share Justice's testimony today as we celebrate all that this day means for him and for our family.
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Monday, September 25, 2017
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Provision
I have a testimony to share. For the past two weeks since we passed court our next fees for our adoption have been due. This is $3900 to cover remaining legal fees and the process of getting Julius' post adoption birth certificate and passport. We cannot move on to the next steps until we pay this and we don't have it.
Each morning before school for the past two weeks we have been taking this amount to God in prayer during our family bible study time and asking Him to provide. Each time Jake and I and the kids take a turn praying - we've asked the Lord to lay this amount on someone's heart to give us, we've asked Him to bring us extra income this month to cover it, and we've asked Him just to flat out provide it some way some how.
Well, last night as we were walking out of Jayla's conferences we get a random phone call from our friend Mickey. Earlier this week Jake had met with one of Mickey's out-of-state contacts regarding non-profit structure, etc. Within this 45 minute meeting Jake and this man had gotten to talking and swapped adoption stories in which Jake mentioned how we were waiting on this amount of money to move on to the next step. Jake had only mentioned this as part of passing conversation - it was not the focus or purpose of the meeting. Well, Mickey was calling to tell us that he was holding a $3900 check in his hand from this man who felt led to cover these fees we could not pay. PRAISE YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!
I felt prompted to share this story today to encourage anyone who is trusting God to provide. Let this be a testimony to encourage you that HE IS FAITHFUL! God is really good at paying debts we owe. Keep trusting Him. And maybe you are on the other side of this and are in a position to bless someone else with the financial resources you have. That number God has laid on your heart is not random. Even if that number makes you uncomfortable or feels sacrificial - perhaps it's because you are holding the weight of a little miracle right there in your hand. Your obedience in giving could mean deliverance for someone else.
"Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God. So two good things will result from this ministry of giving - the needs of the believers in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanks to God." ~ 2 Corinthians 9:11-12
Each morning before school for the past two weeks we have been taking this amount to God in prayer during our family bible study time and asking Him to provide. Each time Jake and I and the kids take a turn praying - we've asked the Lord to lay this amount on someone's heart to give us, we've asked Him to bring us extra income this month to cover it, and we've asked Him just to flat out provide it some way some how.
Well, last night as we were walking out of Jayla's conferences we get a random phone call from our friend Mickey. Earlier this week Jake had met with one of Mickey's out-of-state contacts regarding non-profit structure, etc. Within this 45 minute meeting Jake and this man had gotten to talking and swapped adoption stories in which Jake mentioned how we were waiting on this amount of money to move on to the next step. Jake had only mentioned this as part of passing conversation - it was not the focus or purpose of the meeting. Well, Mickey was calling to tell us that he was holding a $3900 check in his hand from this man who felt led to cover these fees we could not pay. PRAISE YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!
I felt prompted to share this story today to encourage anyone who is trusting God to provide. Let this be a testimony to encourage you that HE IS FAITHFUL! God is really good at paying debts we owe. Keep trusting Him. And maybe you are on the other side of this and are in a position to bless someone else with the financial resources you have. That number God has laid on your heart is not random. Even if that number makes you uncomfortable or feels sacrificial - perhaps it's because you are holding the weight of a little miracle right there in your hand. Your obedience in giving could mean deliverance for someone else.
"Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God. So two good things will result from this ministry of giving - the needs of the believers in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanks to God." ~ 2 Corinthians 9:11-12
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
New Addition
We first met Julius on our trip to Ghana in January 2015. I stood there - knee to knee, face to face with Julius and his birthmother hearing their story. She, his mother, had AIDS and he HIV. And due to the stigma, no one in their village would buy goods from the mother which was how she made a living. She had no way to provide for her and her son. As I looked into the mother's eyes the Lord gave me an impression in my Spirit that she did not have long to live. Death was coming for her. It felt dark, serious, quiet. Like we were standing right there in the valley of death itself.
About a month later after the trip I was standing in my kitchen talking with some friends that had come over. I had brought up the story of Julius and his birthmother and was discussing their situation with Amber Van Loo - one of my friends who had recently adopted a little girl from Ghana with HIV. I was asking Amber how we could best help Julius. She said it was very important that we get Julius on HIV medication as soon as possible, and that we urgently needed to be praying for an adoptive family for him. She said adoption would be the best-case scenario for him moving forward so that he could receive the life-saving medical treatment that the U.S. could offer.
So I began to pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed for an adoptive family for Julius. I prayed that they would know who they were and that God would place him on their hearts to adopt him.
Days later I was in the kitchen again and went to get something out of the fridge. And that's when I noticed it. Some time ago Jayla had drawn a picture of our family and it had been on the fridge for awhile. But on this day, something jumped out at me.
The magnet. I hadn't noticed it before. But there was Julius, right there in line with our family, waving as if to say, "Hey! I belong in YOUR family." I will never forget the weight of this moment. And as it turned out, that silly little magnet that we had gotten somewhere along the line in a McDonald's happy meal - that would be my burning bush...the confirming Word from the Lord that I would need to return to over and over again as this adoption unraveled and we faced Pharaohs and Red Seas.
Julius' birth mother died from AIDS over Mother's Day 2015. In August 2015 the Lord led me to Ghana to begin the adoption process. By November 2015 we had gotten all of our paperwork ready and were awaiting our case to be filed to court. But it was then that Ghana slowed their adoptions nearly to a halt as they reformed their policies. As the days, weeks, and months went by with no firm word on what was happening with our case, Julius' blood levels were found to have dipped tremendously low moving past the threshold of HIV into AIDS. I clung to the verse the Lord had given me over Julius on my August trip:
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life; You stretch out Your hand against the anger of my foes, with Your right hand You save me. The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever— do not abandon the works of Your hands (Psalm 138:7-8).
I felt the Lord was saying He was going to preserve Julius' life through this adoption process, and not only that, but that the Lord had a future and a purpose for Julius' life. Yet, for over 1 year we waited. From November 2015 to December 2016 we waited, praying for our case to be noticed and taken to court. All of a sudden, on December 9, 2016 we received word that the lawyer was ready to begin the process to file our case to court. It felt like resurrection. It felt like when Joseph had been imprisoned for 2 years and the cupbearer finally remembered him (Genesis 41). Within a few weeks we had our court date scheduled. Because Ghana courts closed for Christmas our hearing in Ghana would be held January 24, 2017. However, from here our case would get postponed, refiled, delayed, and adjourned 4 more times inciting disappointment, perseverance, and trust in Jesus to finish what He started. Then finally. TODAY was the day. Early this morning we received word that we passed our court hearing in Ghana and our adoption has been granted. Julius is now a Sullivan.
I cannot even tell you how many times I've had to fall back on this magnet picture through out the last two years. God has taught me to hold onto His promise when over and over what we were experiencing didn't match up to what He had said. In this adoption I have seen the hardest, most Pharaoh-like hearts I've ever encountered be completely changed in the matter of one night by the Lord. I've learned that set backs are really just a set up. I've learned that dead places and disappointing places can come to life by just one Word from the Lord. And I've learned that there is nothing under the Lord's hand that cannot be reversed and restored. We continue to believe this for Julius' life, that no matter how bad his health looks, that ALL things under the Lord's hand are reversible.
We praise You Jesus for this victory, and thank you for the faith you have grown in us for the battles yet to come.
About a month later after the trip I was standing in my kitchen talking with some friends that had come over. I had brought up the story of Julius and his birthmother and was discussing their situation with Amber Van Loo - one of my friends who had recently adopted a little girl from Ghana with HIV. I was asking Amber how we could best help Julius. She said it was very important that we get Julius on HIV medication as soon as possible, and that we urgently needed to be praying for an adoptive family for him. She said adoption would be the best-case scenario for him moving forward so that he could receive the life-saving medical treatment that the U.S. could offer.
So I began to pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed for an adoptive family for Julius. I prayed that they would know who they were and that God would place him on their hearts to adopt him.
Days later I was in the kitchen again and went to get something out of the fridge. And that's when I noticed it. Some time ago Jayla had drawn a picture of our family and it had been on the fridge for awhile. But on this day, something jumped out at me.
The magnet. I hadn't noticed it before. But there was Julius, right there in line with our family, waving as if to say, "Hey! I belong in YOUR family." I will never forget the weight of this moment. And as it turned out, that silly little magnet that we had gotten somewhere along the line in a McDonald's happy meal - that would be my burning bush...the confirming Word from the Lord that I would need to return to over and over again as this adoption unraveled and we faced Pharaohs and Red Seas.
Julius' birth mother died from AIDS over Mother's Day 2015. In August 2015 the Lord led me to Ghana to begin the adoption process. By November 2015 we had gotten all of our paperwork ready and were awaiting our case to be filed to court. But it was then that Ghana slowed their adoptions nearly to a halt as they reformed their policies. As the days, weeks, and months went by with no firm word on what was happening with our case, Julius' blood levels were found to have dipped tremendously low moving past the threshold of HIV into AIDS. I clung to the verse the Lord had given me over Julius on my August trip:
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life; You stretch out Your hand against the anger of my foes, with Your right hand You save me. The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever— do not abandon the works of Your hands (Psalm 138:7-8).
I felt the Lord was saying He was going to preserve Julius' life through this adoption process, and not only that, but that the Lord had a future and a purpose for Julius' life. Yet, for over 1 year we waited. From November 2015 to December 2016 we waited, praying for our case to be noticed and taken to court. All of a sudden, on December 9, 2016 we received word that the lawyer was ready to begin the process to file our case to court. It felt like resurrection. It felt like when Joseph had been imprisoned for 2 years and the cupbearer finally remembered him (Genesis 41). Within a few weeks we had our court date scheduled. Because Ghana courts closed for Christmas our hearing in Ghana would be held January 24, 2017. However, from here our case would get postponed, refiled, delayed, and adjourned 4 more times inciting disappointment, perseverance, and trust in Jesus to finish what He started. Then finally. TODAY was the day. Early this morning we received word that we passed our court hearing in Ghana and our adoption has been granted. Julius is now a Sullivan.
I cannot even tell you how many times I've had to fall back on this magnet picture through out the last two years. God has taught me to hold onto His promise when over and over what we were experiencing didn't match up to what He had said. In this adoption I have seen the hardest, most Pharaoh-like hearts I've ever encountered be completely changed in the matter of one night by the Lord. I've learned that set backs are really just a set up. I've learned that dead places and disappointing places can come to life by just one Word from the Lord. And I've learned that there is nothing under the Lord's hand that cannot be reversed and restored. We continue to believe this for Julius' life, that no matter how bad his health looks, that ALL things under the Lord's hand are reversible.
We praise You Jesus for this victory, and thank you for the faith you have grown in us for the battles yet to come.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Upside down
I won't ever get sick of telling it. Of how God interrupted our lives that day in September seven years ago. "I want you to adopt." Of how I feared we'd be losing - losing our picture perfect American family, losing our close relationships with our biological kids, losing opportunities of what we could give our 'own' kids if we were taking care of someone else's. And what if this adopted child hurt us? Hurt our kids? Was mean and had issues and ruined our family? Every thought I had about this coming adoption was that of loss. Loss, loss, loss. But I didn't yet know it - the upside down way of God's kingdom. "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it (Matthew 16:25)." I didn't yet know that when you lose for His sake, you actually gain so much more. It doesn't make sense.
It doesn't make sense that this adoption that I thought would mess up our biological kids has instead shaped them in ways that we want them to be shaped. That they've learned to lay down their lives and give until it hurts because that is what Jesus did for us. And they won't just read it in their Bible. They will know it because they've lived and breathed the surrender and the sacrifice every day in our home. Through Justice's adoption we've gained the uncovering of our calling, our spiritual gifts and how they are to be used for His kingdom. And when you are fulfilling your calling and operating in your God-given gifts, you feel ALIVE. We've come alive. We've gained a wild testimony of God's justice, His sovereignty, His grace. Who picks out an orange-haired African to match the same exact orange-haired children in a white family in Huxley, Iowa? God does. And through it He whispers to us all that He sees, He is not a distant God, He is closer than we ever dared to have thought. And more than all this, through Justice's adoption, we have gained an intimacy - a closeness with God, that we never would have experienced had we continued on living the comfortable, status quo path of a life we were headed down. You grow closer to God when you need Him. And oh how we have needed Him. It is worth our very lives if all we do this side of heaven is gain that.
So yeah when you look at it all on paper, it doesn't make sense. But I never really liked Math anyways. I thought we were adopting to help change the life of a needy child, but through it the Lord ended up changing us so much more. Today we praise God for this interruption, and celebrate 5 years of Justice being home and in our family. And today we know it better: He means to bless us. It just comes in unexpected, upside down ways.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Adoption Stories: Emefa
You may remember me introducing you to little Emefa who I have blogged about previously HERE and HERE. Emefa is an HIV orphan living in Asikuma, the little village in Ghana that Kingdom Cares International visits frequently. Our team happened upon Emefa on our January 2013 trip – all alone, lethargic and sick. With Emefa’s parents both deceased, her elderly grandmother had become her primary caretaker, but was struggling to be able to provide Emefa with the intensive care and life saving medicine that she needed. At first KCI began sponsoring Emefa to cover the medical expenses of her drug intervention, as well as taking over the responsibility to get her to her doctor visits. But eventually the Lord began speaking adoption plans over Emefa’s life. As only the Lord can do, He began setting things in motion in Emefa’s life, as well as in the lives of the family that He had picked out to adopt her - well before any of us had a clue that she was going to be adopted! That family turned out to be our friends, Tim and Amber Van Loo, who took their first trip to Ghana with Kingdom Cares earlier this year in March 2013. They had no idea what God was setting into motion that trip. You can read about the first encounter that Amber had with Emefa HERE – that account is from the eyes of another team member who had journaled out the experience because it was so touching to him. Eventually Emefa was relinquished for adoption and Tim and Amber stepped right in with a strong conviction of knowing that Emefa was to be their daughter. In the months since, Tim and Amber have faced no shortage of adversity in their adoption journey of Emefa. They’ve persevered through a country-wide shut-down of all Ghana adoptions as well as needing to switch adoption agencies which has cost them time and money. YET, God is faithful and sovereign. And this past week Tim and Amber tasted His goodness as they made a trip to Ghana to visit Emefa, and were able to actually get a court date while there and PASSED! Today I am posting Amber’s write-up from their trip and I will continue to keep you updated on their journey! Amazingly, Emefa’s adoption has not been the only way in which God has flung open Tim and Amber’s hearts (and front door) to take in the fatherless. I know I will get to share more of their story from the past year when the time comes and I just can’t wait! For now, I am rejoicing once again over the depths that the Lord will go to in defending the overlooked and ignored, and choosing to re-write their story via adoption. In Amber’s words…..
Meet Emefa VanLoo, that is her name now in Ghana! We now need to file all the papers on the U.S. side so we can bring her home!
After a week's journey to Ghana and back we are home and thankful to be, although wishing we could have brought Emefa with us. It was so very hard to leave her, but soon we will go back and bring her home! Our trip was very productive and very exhausting! We did a lot of back and forth driving all over Ghana, pretty sure one day I will die driving in a car in Africa (wow it was an experience)!
Here is a short summary of our trip...
We arrived in Accra Tuesday night and stayed the night not as planned, but had an awesome friend of a friend take care of us. Of course our bags did not come in, but no surprise there. Wednesday morning we went to Asikuma to see Emefa. Once there our first stop was to visit the site where Kingdom Cares International is building a children's center. The progress is exciting to see...
Then we were off to Emefa's school to see her!!! As we walked through the tiny dirt path my heart was racing. I can’t even explain the thoughts going through my head, holding back tears of joy and scared to death all at the same time. She was quite shy - she even hid in the middle of a group of kids. Wisdom (a pastor in the village who has helped us a lot in the process) called to her and got her to come out. Tim greeted her first but she wanted nothing to do with him.
Wisdom then brought her to me and said, “Emefa, this is mom”. She slowly looked at me and allowed me to take her into my arms. When Wisdom said those words my thoughts went to oh my goodness yes I am your mom. This tiny girl with sores all over her body and her skin so much darker than mine is now my daughter. She continued to just stare at me but allowed me to carry her back to visit her grandma and then onto our hotel.
We ate some lunch and man can Emefa eat! I am sure it is because she is not used to having a full plate in front of her. And we tried to be careful as to not fill her belly too much to hurt her. She also loves orange Fanta along with Tim. In Ghana they do not use their left hand to eat as that is the hand they use to go to the bathroom. I am left-handed and as Emefa watched me eat she switched hands and did everything I did. As more time went on I realized that everything I did she copied me. When we were done eating we went down to the fish farm that Kingdom Cares also started for the village.
Emefa was scared to death of the water! Our guess was that she had never seen a lake before and this one is huge. It is the largest manmade lake in the world. The few people that were with us got on a boat and went across the water to the fish farm - we stayed back with Emefa up on the beach. After about an hour of showing her it was okay and getting her to trust me by using the fun of taking pictures with my camera, we were able to get her by the water.
Just as she was close to putting her toes in the water this Ghanaian fisherman that had been watching us and talking to us came up behind her, grabbed her, and put her right into the water. She completely freaked out! I was so mad at this man as we had worked for an hour building up trust and then he comes and crushes it. She screamed and ran into Tim’s arms. The fisherman went back to working on his boat and we again started showing Emefa the water was okay. After a short time she decided to put her toes in and realized it was okay.
We played for awhile - skipping rocks and showing her that water was fun and refreshing.
This time was so good to build some trust and for her to know she was safe in our arms. We then went back and hung out the rest of the evening bonding more with her in our hotel room. We shared a picture book of our family and practiced everyone's names. She loved looking at the pictures of our family, each of the kids, our house, things we like to do, and even our dog.
She loved to point at each picture and look at me to tell her who it was. She then would repeat each name or anything I said. She repeats all names and English words very well. We feel she will catch on quite fast to English. Later in the evening we decided it was bath time…I went into the bathroom to start getting ready and in comes Emefa, she pulls down her underwear and just pees on the floor. I started laughing and called to Tim. I’m guessing this little thing has never used a toilet. :) So I showed her how to sit on the toilet and go. We continued to work on this and I think she caught on pretty fast.
Thursday morning we had to be up at 4:30am to leave by 5am to drive two hours to another village to be seen in court at 8am. Emefa’s aunt had to go with us too, I am not sure why but she needed to have a family member with us. So six of us squeezed into this tiny car and headed out. We arrived at 7:30am and proceeded to sit in a Ghanaian court room that was about 100 degrees until 11ish and then were told that the judge would finish all cases for the day then see us! After Tim got yelled at by a police officer for sleeping in the court room, around 1pm we finally were able to sit with the judge. He accepted our application and we passed court! So in Ghana's eyes Emefa is our daughter! This was a huge accomplishment and helped me emotionally so much. When the morning had started, Emefa was completely fine with me but when her aunt showed up Emefa totally changed her attitude and wanted nothing to do with me or Tim. Satan was attacking me all morning with this aunt and doubt. I feared with everything in me that we came all this way and the aunt was going to say she wanted Emefa. So when the judge approved us I was so overwhelmed and felt God surrounding me saying “trust in Me and I will provide” Psalm 28:7 ~ The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
We then made the drive back 2 hours to Asikuma, ate dinner with Emefa's aunt, and went and visited more with Emefa's grandma. We gathered Emefa's things which all fit in one small back pack and said goodbye to Grandma. We then were off to Accra for another 3 hour drive. Our friend Michael was able to find us a nice hotel with air conditioning and a shower - cold shower - but a shower :) Tim, Emefa and I were out for the night. Sometime in the middle of the night I felt Tim jumping out of bed with Emefa in his arms…he was yelling “she is going to pee in the bed!” He ran into the bathroom with her and put her on the toilet. She had woke up, pulled down her pants and was ready to pee in the bed between us. I guess we need to work on the toilet more!
Oh and we finally got our bags!
Friday morning we hung out in the hotel bonding with Emefa. It was great! She loves taking pictures with my camera and especially loves selfies. She loves to color and we worked on letters and numbers. She also caught on fast to using the toilet. She began to say to me “potty” and would go in and use the toilet. Praise God! When we said we would adopt one of the things I did not want was a baby or toddler that I needed to potty train. I hate potty training and am very thankful to be done.
We also found out that Emefa is as stubborn as I am so adding her to the family is perfect! She does not like to be told no and we experienced her first fit....wow was it a fit! We will work on that once we are home :) Also, when she is hungry she gets cranky, also just like me! She likes to play hard to get with Tim. When Tim has food to offer her she loves him, other than that she plays hard to get. Although by the end of the morning she was playing hide and seek with him nonstop. She would hide behind the door, knock on it, then hide from him. Super cute…she liked when he came and “scared” her. She was good with me, calling me momma and running to me when she was scared of Tim. I enjoyed this and Tim commented on this, but honestly I was truly thankful she was attaching a little to at least one of us vs. not liking either of us. We went to eat lunch with Michael, his mom, and Daniel - another friend from Accra. Again Satan began attacking as Emefa had not completely gotten over her fit in this time and she latched onto Michael’s mom - wanting nothing to do with Tim or I. I knew this was an attack from Satan and I tried so hard to fight it. I fought back tears and wished we would have stayed in the hotel. They took us to a restaurant right on the ocean - it was beautiful! One small way for God to show me His beauty and help with my emotions.
We then checked out Michael's school he runs for unprivileged children in Accra. We made one other stop to a store and Michael’s mom stayed in the car with us. She had realized how Emefa was going to her vs. us and was trying to help. She kept telling me it will be fine and Emefa will change. I knew all of this but it was so hard when she would turn her head from me and wanted nothing to do with me after having such great bonding time. At the store Emefa had to go potty and I was the only one who could take her. This was a funny way for God to once again show me to trust in Him. Going potty made her want to be with me again. Then we went back to the hotel as we were tired and wanted to bond some more with Emefa after the rough moments of the day.
Overall I think bonding went well with her and us. I feel that each time Satan attacked me or us, God came through. There were so many small signs from Him. One awesome thing in Ghana is that it is a Christian nation and they are very open about it. Tim and I made comments about how we wish people in the U.S. were like this. Everywhere you look - on the back of cars, on signs along the road, there is always a verse or a shout out to God! I found these very encouraging and great reminders for all the emotions going through my body! One verse that I said over and over in my head was Psalm 91, to know that God would protect us and not let anything happen to us. Then we turned the corner while driving and the van in front of us had “Psalm 91” in giant yellow letters across the back window.
Then there was a group of school kids and their uniforms said “God never fails”.
Over and over God showed me that I needed to rely on Him and trust in Him.
Saturday morning we again spent time inside and outside of the hotel bonding - cuddling in bed, coloring, running around outside, playing hide and seek, and taking pictures. Michael then picked us up along with Comfort (she is the foster mother who is caring for Emefa now) and we went to the market. Again Emefa attached to Comfort, but by this time I knew it was okay and had prepared myself for this to happen…the Ghanaian women are who Emefa feels most comfortable with right now. We had bonded some and we have shown her our love. I just kept telling myself over and over that it was okay. I am her mother and one day she will know this. Tim also reminded me of this and helped my emotions throughout the day. At the market Emefa picked out a new dress - it was fun to see her opinion of colors and style. We then went to Comfort’s house, stayed for awhile, and then had to say our goodbyes. Poor Emefa. I feel she was very confused by all of what happened during the week, but we feel she is in great hands and we will be going back for her asap! Hoping in the next three months! Pray BIG for us!
Our week was very exhausting but so worth it! We feel so blessed that our friends Jake and Janel have made such great relationships with the village and people in Asikuma and Accra. It made our time there so much easier. We had a peace with who was taking care of us and translating for us.
Even though this journey is crazy, it is so awesome. There were so many times this week in airports, in lines, at restaurants that we were able to share about our faith in Christ. When people ask “where are you traveling” and “for what” the door is wide open to share. I have never been that good at sharing and I never want to offend anyone, but this adoption journey would not be happening without Christ. It naturally comes up in conversation about what we are doing. And I love it! I know Tim does too. It is also a journey that is teaching us so much about ourselves, our sin, and how we should be living for and loving Christ! That is a whole other story in itself…
Please be praying for the paperwork and steps that need to happen on this end to move quickly and smoothly! Emefa is a sick little girl and needs help. We need to get her here with clean living conditions, good nutrients each day, to doctors that can care for her, and on medicine that will heal her little body! This week we dealt with some bleeding sores and a pinched finger in a car door that was bleeding. I had thoughts go through my head of what are we doing? Why do we think we can care for an HIV+ child? BUT, we found out that we can. It is very easy to deal with a bleeding finger and once we get her on better meds hopefully her sores will go away. Again this was another way for Satan to attack me. Then, once again God came through...on the way home we were in Turkey at the airport and started talking to a doctor from Michigan. He is a pathologist and was telling us about work he has done in Africa and how bad HIV is. But he said that in the U.S. the medicines have come so far. That bringing Emefa home to the U.S. will be life changing for her. She can live healthy and normal. It was so reassuring to hear from this random doctor all of this information. So again, God told me to just trust and He will provide!
Also please pray for the finance side of this journey. We spent more money on the trip then planned with taxi rides, money at court that was not planned, etc. But the awesome thing is we had the money to cover what we had not planned on. Again, God has provided for us and we know He will continue to do so. We have one more big chunk that is due to our agency now that we passed court, and then we are on the home stretch to bringing Emefa home!
From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. ~Luke 12:48~
Meet Emefa VanLoo, that is her name now in Ghana! We now need to file all the papers on the U.S. side so we can bring her home!
After a week's journey to Ghana and back we are home and thankful to be, although wishing we could have brought Emefa with us. It was so very hard to leave her, but soon we will go back and bring her home! Our trip was very productive and very exhausting! We did a lot of back and forth driving all over Ghana, pretty sure one day I will die driving in a car in Africa (wow it was an experience)!
Here is a short summary of our trip...
We arrived in Accra Tuesday night and stayed the night not as planned, but had an awesome friend of a friend take care of us. Of course our bags did not come in, but no surprise there. Wednesday morning we went to Asikuma to see Emefa. Once there our first stop was to visit the site where Kingdom Cares International is building a children's center. The progress is exciting to see...
Then we were off to Emefa's school to see her!!! As we walked through the tiny dirt path my heart was racing. I can’t even explain the thoughts going through my head, holding back tears of joy and scared to death all at the same time. She was quite shy - she even hid in the middle of a group of kids. Wisdom (a pastor in the village who has helped us a lot in the process) called to her and got her to come out. Tim greeted her first but she wanted nothing to do with him.
Wisdom then brought her to me and said, “Emefa, this is mom”. She slowly looked at me and allowed me to take her into my arms. When Wisdom said those words my thoughts went to oh my goodness yes I am your mom. This tiny girl with sores all over her body and her skin so much darker than mine is now my daughter. She continued to just stare at me but allowed me to carry her back to visit her grandma and then onto our hotel.
We ate some lunch and man can Emefa eat! I am sure it is because she is not used to having a full plate in front of her. And we tried to be careful as to not fill her belly too much to hurt her. She also loves orange Fanta along with Tim. In Ghana they do not use their left hand to eat as that is the hand they use to go to the bathroom. I am left-handed and as Emefa watched me eat she switched hands and did everything I did. As more time went on I realized that everything I did she copied me. When we were done eating we went down to the fish farm that Kingdom Cares also started for the village.
Emefa was scared to death of the water! Our guess was that she had never seen a lake before and this one is huge. It is the largest manmade lake in the world. The few people that were with us got on a boat and went across the water to the fish farm - we stayed back with Emefa up on the beach. After about an hour of showing her it was okay and getting her to trust me by using the fun of taking pictures with my camera, we were able to get her by the water.
Just as she was close to putting her toes in the water this Ghanaian fisherman that had been watching us and talking to us came up behind her, grabbed her, and put her right into the water. She completely freaked out! I was so mad at this man as we had worked for an hour building up trust and then he comes and crushes it. She screamed and ran into Tim’s arms. The fisherman went back to working on his boat and we again started showing Emefa the water was okay. After a short time she decided to put her toes in and realized it was okay.
We played for awhile - skipping rocks and showing her that water was fun and refreshing.
This time was so good to build some trust and for her to know she was safe in our arms. We then went back and hung out the rest of the evening bonding more with her in our hotel room. We shared a picture book of our family and practiced everyone's names. She loved looking at the pictures of our family, each of the kids, our house, things we like to do, and even our dog.
She loved to point at each picture and look at me to tell her who it was. She then would repeat each name or anything I said. She repeats all names and English words very well. We feel she will catch on quite fast to English. Later in the evening we decided it was bath time…I went into the bathroom to start getting ready and in comes Emefa, she pulls down her underwear and just pees on the floor. I started laughing and called to Tim. I’m guessing this little thing has never used a toilet. :) So I showed her how to sit on the toilet and go. We continued to work on this and I think she caught on pretty fast.
Thursday morning we had to be up at 4:30am to leave by 5am to drive two hours to another village to be seen in court at 8am. Emefa’s aunt had to go with us too, I am not sure why but she needed to have a family member with us. So six of us squeezed into this tiny car and headed out. We arrived at 7:30am and proceeded to sit in a Ghanaian court room that was about 100 degrees until 11ish and then were told that the judge would finish all cases for the day then see us! After Tim got yelled at by a police officer for sleeping in the court room, around 1pm we finally were able to sit with the judge. He accepted our application and we passed court! So in Ghana's eyes Emefa is our daughter! This was a huge accomplishment and helped me emotionally so much. When the morning had started, Emefa was completely fine with me but when her aunt showed up Emefa totally changed her attitude and wanted nothing to do with me or Tim. Satan was attacking me all morning with this aunt and doubt. I feared with everything in me that we came all this way and the aunt was going to say she wanted Emefa. So when the judge approved us I was so overwhelmed and felt God surrounding me saying “trust in Me and I will provide” Psalm 28:7 ~ The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.
We then made the drive back 2 hours to Asikuma, ate dinner with Emefa's aunt, and went and visited more with Emefa's grandma. We gathered Emefa's things which all fit in one small back pack and said goodbye to Grandma. We then were off to Accra for another 3 hour drive. Our friend Michael was able to find us a nice hotel with air conditioning and a shower - cold shower - but a shower :) Tim, Emefa and I were out for the night. Sometime in the middle of the night I felt Tim jumping out of bed with Emefa in his arms…he was yelling “she is going to pee in the bed!” He ran into the bathroom with her and put her on the toilet. She had woke up, pulled down her pants and was ready to pee in the bed between us. I guess we need to work on the toilet more!
Oh and we finally got our bags!
Friday morning we hung out in the hotel bonding with Emefa. It was great! She loves taking pictures with my camera and especially loves selfies. She loves to color and we worked on letters and numbers. She also caught on fast to using the toilet. She began to say to me “potty” and would go in and use the toilet. Praise God! When we said we would adopt one of the things I did not want was a baby or toddler that I needed to potty train. I hate potty training and am very thankful to be done.
We also found out that Emefa is as stubborn as I am so adding her to the family is perfect! She does not like to be told no and we experienced her first fit....wow was it a fit! We will work on that once we are home :) Also, when she is hungry she gets cranky, also just like me! She likes to play hard to get with Tim. When Tim has food to offer her she loves him, other than that she plays hard to get. Although by the end of the morning she was playing hide and seek with him nonstop. She would hide behind the door, knock on it, then hide from him. Super cute…she liked when he came and “scared” her. She was good with me, calling me momma and running to me when she was scared of Tim. I enjoyed this and Tim commented on this, but honestly I was truly thankful she was attaching a little to at least one of us vs. not liking either of us. We went to eat lunch with Michael, his mom, and Daniel - another friend from Accra. Again Satan began attacking as Emefa had not completely gotten over her fit in this time and she latched onto Michael’s mom - wanting nothing to do with Tim or I. I knew this was an attack from Satan and I tried so hard to fight it. I fought back tears and wished we would have stayed in the hotel. They took us to a restaurant right on the ocean - it was beautiful! One small way for God to show me His beauty and help with my emotions.
We then checked out Michael's school he runs for unprivileged children in Accra. We made one other stop to a store and Michael’s mom stayed in the car with us. She had realized how Emefa was going to her vs. us and was trying to help. She kept telling me it will be fine and Emefa will change. I knew all of this but it was so hard when she would turn her head from me and wanted nothing to do with me after having such great bonding time. At the store Emefa had to go potty and I was the only one who could take her. This was a funny way for God to once again show me to trust in Him. Going potty made her want to be with me again. Then we went back to the hotel as we were tired and wanted to bond some more with Emefa after the rough moments of the day.
Overall I think bonding went well with her and us. I feel that each time Satan attacked me or us, God came through. There were so many small signs from Him. One awesome thing in Ghana is that it is a Christian nation and they are very open about it. Tim and I made comments about how we wish people in the U.S. were like this. Everywhere you look - on the back of cars, on signs along the road, there is always a verse or a shout out to God! I found these very encouraging and great reminders for all the emotions going through my body! One verse that I said over and over in my head was Psalm 91, to know that God would protect us and not let anything happen to us. Then we turned the corner while driving and the van in front of us had “Psalm 91” in giant yellow letters across the back window.
Then there was a group of school kids and their uniforms said “God never fails”.
Over and over God showed me that I needed to rely on Him and trust in Him.
Saturday morning we again spent time inside and outside of the hotel bonding - cuddling in bed, coloring, running around outside, playing hide and seek, and taking pictures. Michael then picked us up along with Comfort (she is the foster mother who is caring for Emefa now) and we went to the market. Again Emefa attached to Comfort, but by this time I knew it was okay and had prepared myself for this to happen…the Ghanaian women are who Emefa feels most comfortable with right now. We had bonded some and we have shown her our love. I just kept telling myself over and over that it was okay. I am her mother and one day she will know this. Tim also reminded me of this and helped my emotions throughout the day. At the market Emefa picked out a new dress - it was fun to see her opinion of colors and style. We then went to Comfort’s house, stayed for awhile, and then had to say our goodbyes. Poor Emefa. I feel she was very confused by all of what happened during the week, but we feel she is in great hands and we will be going back for her asap! Hoping in the next three months! Pray BIG for us!
Our week was very exhausting but so worth it! We feel so blessed that our friends Jake and Janel have made such great relationships with the village and people in Asikuma and Accra. It made our time there so much easier. We had a peace with who was taking care of us and translating for us.
Even though this journey is crazy, it is so awesome. There were so many times this week in airports, in lines, at restaurants that we were able to share about our faith in Christ. When people ask “where are you traveling” and “for what” the door is wide open to share. I have never been that good at sharing and I never want to offend anyone, but this adoption journey would not be happening without Christ. It naturally comes up in conversation about what we are doing. And I love it! I know Tim does too. It is also a journey that is teaching us so much about ourselves, our sin, and how we should be living for and loving Christ! That is a whole other story in itself…
Please be praying for the paperwork and steps that need to happen on this end to move quickly and smoothly! Emefa is a sick little girl and needs help. We need to get her here with clean living conditions, good nutrients each day, to doctors that can care for her, and on medicine that will heal her little body! This week we dealt with some bleeding sores and a pinched finger in a car door that was bleeding. I had thoughts go through my head of what are we doing? Why do we think we can care for an HIV+ child? BUT, we found out that we can. It is very easy to deal with a bleeding finger and once we get her on better meds hopefully her sores will go away. Again this was another way for Satan to attack me. Then, once again God came through...on the way home we were in Turkey at the airport and started talking to a doctor from Michigan. He is a pathologist and was telling us about work he has done in Africa and how bad HIV is. But he said that in the U.S. the medicines have come so far. That bringing Emefa home to the U.S. will be life changing for her. She can live healthy and normal. It was so reassuring to hear from this random doctor all of this information. So again, God told me to just trust and He will provide!
Also please pray for the finance side of this journey. We spent more money on the trip then planned with taxi rides, money at court that was not planned, etc. But the awesome thing is we had the money to cover what we had not planned on. Again, God has provided for us and we know He will continue to do so. We have one more big chunk that is due to our agency now that we passed court, and then we are on the home stretch to bringing Emefa home!
From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. ~Luke 12:48~
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Running From Your Life
Can I be real for a moment? Adoption is hard. Yes we have the cutest adopted kids in the world. But behind the cutesy pictures is a struggle. It’s hard parenting and connecting with children who are not my flesh and blood. It is draining learning to love sacrificially when the feelings inside of me scream otherwise. It is ugly having my own sin and depravity exposed again and again, day after day, via adoption. I am still as selfish, rebellious, and unlovely as I ever was. Adoption hasn’t changed that, rather it has brought it to the surface even more. I am coming through a season in which it has crossed my mind more than once of how I literally want to run away from this anointment, this calling that God has put on our lives to take in orphans into our family. It would be so much easier not to. Life would be a lot prettier and a lot less messy. Yet, through those raw emotions I hear God whisper that perseverance must finish its work in me so that I will be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:4). Perseverance is not one of my top qualities. I would rather run the opposite direction when things get hard and ugly and messy. For awhile now Jake has been listening to sermon podcasts while he works out in the morning and he kept telling me that I should try it. I am usually glued to my music for work outs, but the other day I was led to a boatload of online sermons and the title of one of them caught my attention ~ ‘Running From Your Life’. I listened to it while working out the other day and it brought me truths from the life of Elijah that I had never seen in scripture before. If you can relate to anything I’ve said above then I hope it encourages you too...
http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/room101/running-from-your-life
http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/room101/running-from-your-life
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Adoption Journey to Jennifer and Jasara and First Year Home
One year ago today we arrived home from Ghana with two new daughters – Jennifer and Jasara!!! In celebration of this day I put together a little video of our journey to them and pictures of our first year home.
♥
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Gotcha! ~ 3 Years!
Today marks 3 years since Justice’s adoption was officially completed, and he stepped foot onto U.S. soil as a Sullivan! On the left was Justice’s referral picture – the first picture we ever received of him. It was off this picture and about 3 sentences of information that we were asked whether or not we would pursue him in adoption. I remember looking at the size of his shoes and thinking – “There is no way that child is 6 years old!” :) Justice’s adoption has been the gateway in which God has most clearly revealed to me His definition of love - which is NOT a warm, fuzzy feeling. It is a lay down your life action and submission to God’s will. 1 John 3:16 ~ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. ~ I didn’t learn this through studious hours of bible study. I didn’t learn this through a well-given church sermon. I learned this from a little orange-haired African boy, living clear on the other side of the world, who was out of my preferred age range to adopt, who I feared had the potential to ‘ruin’ our family, and who would interrupt my ideal American family portrait sitting on the fireplace. Yet it was in these very circumstances that God taught me to lay down my desires, my plans, my feelings, my comfort, my grasp on convenience and control, our financial security, even my most treasured possession - our biological children - surrendering it all into His hands, for His Kingdom purposes. When Jake and I were married I had a picture in my head of what our family was going to look like. But God had a different one. And His plan trumped mine. Going with His plan hasn’t been easy. Oftentimes adoption hasn’t felt natural and has indeed felt sacrificial. Yet in the process I have been given a new picture: A HUMAN LIFE IS WORTH IT. With adoption you get to offer someone the chance to have God re-write their story. It cost Jesus His very life to do this for me…to give me the right to call myself a child of God. Yes, God’s kind of love entails sacrifice – yet it will not return void. With this kind of love, when you lose yourSELF, you gain real life…that’s because its very nature imparts eternal value. Thank you, Justice, for my first real-life lesson in God’s definition of love. And Happy Gotcha Day! I will never stop recounting what God has done in my life through yours! ♥
I made the following video of Justice's adoption journey back in 2011. It was during my novice days of video making so no music or bells and whistles. :) Yet, it's still vital for me to look back on how God brought us through the adoption process and that first year of him home. Rejoicing in how far he (and we) have come since then!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Christian & Momma - Front Page Material!
Celebrating Mother's Day: The Meaning of Mom
By Misti Crane
The Columbus Dispatch
Sunday May 12, 2013 10:25 AM
Women don’t often talk about what motherhood means to them, the way it shapes their souls and their days, uncovers feelings they didn’t know existed. We asked nine central Ohio women to choose a word that describes what motherhood means to them...
‘Blessing’
Late last month, Mandy Litzke rounded up wayward kids and kept an eye on travelers fresh off flights landing at Port Columbus.
After a full day’s journey from his native Ghana, 15-year-old Christian walked past security to the cheers of 15 brothers and sisters he’d never seen in person. They pulled him close, said they loved him and piled in the family van to introduce him to his new home in Plain City.
Mandy and her husband, Dave, each had a daughter from previous marriages and have made it a mission to welcome children whose families can’t or won’t care for them.
Their adopted children range in age from 4 to 18 years and have come to the Litzkes from Liberia, Guatemala, Korea, Ghana, Armenia, Hong Kong, Haiti and Vietnam. Many have disabilities, including four who have Down syndrome.
There are eight bedrooms in the Litzkes’ house, a 20-foot dining table, a playground out back.
“It’s happy, organized chaos,” Mandy, 42, said.
She said she feels called to these children by her Christian faith.
But her story is more complex than that. She was a toddler when her stepfather killed her mother and left her an orphan, she said. When Mandy was 6, she moved in with a Georgia family who eventually adopted her.
She knew as a girl that she wanted to give a home to children without one.
“They’ve been through so much and taught us so much about being appreciative of what we have,” she said.
“It’s a blessing.”
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Yarn Extensions ~ SUCCESS!
I last blogged about my ongoing adventure in learning to do my two Ghana daughters’ hair HERE.
For the past couple of weeks I had thought that Jennifer’s hair was getting long enough to try out a style. Here’s a look at the length of Jennifer’s hair when it is stretched out…
A good inch and a half I would say. With that length, I could definitely try some corn rows, but since Jennifer’s hair has been short and shaved her whole life, I thought it would be more exciting to try out some extensions. Jennifer is always happily wishing and looking forward to having long hair, as many little girls do. With that, I set my sights on achieving this style ~ yarn extensions…..
To attempt a style it was just a matter of us finding a weekend where we could be home for at least one full day with no place to go, and no other commitments (easier said than done!). I finally got my chance this past weekend. The boys were off to a tournament, and the girls and I decided to sit it out and stay home for a hair weekend.
During our adoption journey a fellow adoptive mom from my church had referenced this website: http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/ (aka CHVC) which has become an invaluable resource to me. Leading up to this past weekend I reviewed the binder I had made from this website with the rundown on pre-style steps and the how-to instructions for the yarn extensions. Everything I am posting about today, I got from the CHVC website.
I set aside Saturday as our styling day, but we started the process on Friday night with washing, detangling, and banding.
WASHING: I usually only wash Jennifer’s hair once a week with conditioner. But since we were going to be setting it with a style that would stay in for a good 3-4 weeks I wanted to make sure we started off with clean hair. We washed with shampoo and conditioner from the Shea Moisture line (which you can purchase at Target and Walgreens) pictured above on the left.
DETANGLING: This was easy peasy since Jennifer’s hair is so short. I’ve heard this step becomes quite time-consuming the longer the hair gets. That is why the CHVC website recommends breaking the styling up into two days and doing this step the night before. For detangling we used Kinky Curly Knot Today as a leave-in conditioner/detangler (pictured above in the middle – you can also purchase this at Target). Then section by section I combed through her hair with a wide-tooth comb. After I combed through each section I banded it (explained below) before moving on to the next. The Kinky Curly Knot Today is just awesome. The comb glided right through her hair.
BANDING: Not sure how necessary this step is with short hair, but we did it anyways to get into the routine of it. Banding serves a couple of purposes – 1) It preserves all the work you did during detangling and 2) It stretches out the curl making the hair easier to handle once it is time to braid, twist, etc. To band, you just section off the hair and place soft pony tail holders down the length of each section. Since Jennifer’s hair is so short, I just used one pony holder for each section and tried to spread it out along the length of each little puff. This took about 15 minutes and then we were done for the night.
The other thing I did the night before the actual styling was cut the yarn. That’s right – YARN! For these extensions you are actually using a spool of yarn that you can purchase at Wal-mart!
It’s just the craziest thing. For each extension you use two strands of the yarn. I cut each strand to 40 inches in length and set them out on the table in pairs so I could grab and go the next day once we started.
Note to self: I ended up using twice as much as what is pictured here – had to do another session of cutting during styling day.
The next morning Jennifer woke me up at 6:30am in her excitement to get started! We ended up actually starting around 8am by the time we all got breakfast and got dressed.
The CHVC website lists out the exact steps of how to put in the extensions, so I am not going to re-write them all here. Here is the link for the step-by-step-how-to complete with pictures: http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/2011/01/yarn-twist-extensions-exercise-in.html
And here is a video tutorial of putting in one extension from start to finish:
I definitely needed to view the video to understand exactly how to anchor the yarn in. She shares a few tips in the video that aren’t in the written instructions, so make sure you watch it if you are planning on doing this. I memorized these steps and practiced one of the extensions on a life-sized doll with hair the day before trying it on Jennifer to make sure I had the technique down. The day before our scheduled styling day I also practiced one extension on Jennifer's actual hair to ensure that her hair was going to be long enough to twist into the yarn. And it was!
Alright, here are the products and styling tools that I used while putting in the extensions…
Basically, to start, I just released one row at a time of her sectioned off hair from the pony tail holders and sprayed the section with water. Then I coated the section of hair with Blended Cutie’s ‘Butter Me Up’ which is a moisturizer. From there I used the pintail comb for parting. I parted one row at a time lengthwise and then made horizontal parts within each row, turning her hair into little sectioned off squares. When I was ready to put in an extension, I would grab one little square of hair and put another coating of ‘Butter Me Up’ on it, and then combed out the square of hair with my small-tooth comb. Then, you separate the square in half, put the yarn in the middle, anchor each side and start twisting as the instructions linked to above explain. Once I got to the point on the twist where her hair was going to run out, I was supposed to put Blended Beauty’s ‘Happy Nappy Styles’ styling cream onto her hair so the endpoint smoothed into the yarn better and didn’t poke out. But I got mixed up on the instructions and used the ‘Butter Me Up’ there as well which doesn’t have near the holding power as the styling cream. So, time will tell how long the twists will hold together without getting too fuzzy!
From the nape of Jennifer's neck up to the crown of her head, I parted her hair in a brick pattern. So, from one row to the next the boxes are staggered which is hard to make out from this picture below. The arrow shows the point where her actual hair runs out - everything below the arrow is yarn alone.
As her hair continues to grow it will blend in with the yarn even better for the length of the twist, and you won’t even be able to tell it’s yarn. Honestly, most people can’t anyways unless they know.
Here was our little over halfway point which we got to at about 4pm I think!
In that picture you can see the part that I made from one ear, to the crown of her head, to her other ear. Everything below that partline comprised the back of her hair. You can also see the ends of the extensions in this picture which I simply tied off in knots. My goal was to try and get the knots all at about the same length which was really hard to do. [At the very end of putting in all the extensions, you go back through and get the knots exactly where you want them, tighten them so they lay flat, and then trim off the excess yarn below the knots as the finishing step.]
We took breaks for lunch, dinner, bathroom breaks, stretch breaks, and a long run around break while I cut more yarn. :)
From there, I started putting the extensions in on the sides of her head, working up to the top-center where I had made a middle part.
Regarding parting, the side extensions are easy to line up because you just continue a straight line from the last extension by the crown, on up to the forehead comprising the row.
Finally, after a full day’s hard work, there was one row left to twist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Momma was ready to throw a party!
And about 25 minutes later, all the extensions were in and all that was left to do was the trimming!
Did you notice the clock in that first picture? Yes, by this point it was 11:37pm!!!!!!!!!!!! I had scheduled myself to work in the nursery at church the next morning at 9am, so I knew we had to bear down and finish it all that night. We wouldn’t have enough time to save the trimming until morning, and besides, it wouldn’t be very comfortable sleeping on all that excess yarn anyways.
So, although we were both quite tired, we kept trucking along. I went through and adjusted all the knots at the bottoms of the extensions so they were as close as I could get them to the same length. I also tightened up each knot and tried to get them as flat as I could. This part can drive you a little crazy, especially if you are really set on everything looking symmetrical. CHVC gives some trimming tips HERE. Finally I got to the point where I was comfortable to start trimming off the excess right below the knots. The whole re-knotting and trimming episode took another good 45 minutes. After the trim we threw on Jennifer’s sleep cap and went to bed. The next morning we captured the results…..here’s how they turned out!
And the back....
(side note: in real person her scalp does not show up this much - it is just the flash from the camera that is highlighting/reflecting it)
I was so happy with how they looked! Jennifer could not WAIT to show her friends in her class at church, and she couldn’t wait for school the next day after that. She kept saying, “Everyone is going to looooove my head!”
Throughout the styling day, if I would have counted, Jennifer said at least 25 times, “Mommy, I LOVE my head!” She also told me, “Mommy, I love YOU!” randomly throughout the day, and about every 15 minutes she was shouting to Jayla in her excitement, “Jayla, you want to come see my head?” During each break time she would run to the mirror and giggle, oooh and ahhhh, and shake and whip her hair around. It was definitely the most excited I have seen her – ever. I knew going into this that me doing her hair would come across as an act of love to her, and I think that is what kept me going and made me so excited for us to experience it. It was another step in attachment for the both of us.
Throughout the day, I also experienced an amazing sense of empowerment which came in the form of just plain being in awe of how God equipped me to this. Going into our adoption of the girls I had zero confidence in my ability to do their hair. BUT, I had a desire to learn, and I expressed that desire to God often. He led me to the resources and gave me the tools that I needed to educate myself. Then, He took my flimsy hands and non-hairstyling brain and physically equipped them. I give Him the glory, because I know that in and of myself doing hair does NOT come naturally. I know it sounds strange because we are talking about hair (which seems like a minor detail to most people), but this feels like a supernatural equipping within our adoption. I had no idea that I would ever actually be able to do this! You all remember where I started out right? I didn't even know how to french braid for goodness sakes! Yarn extensions are just a small success in the world of hair, but I definitely feel encouraged by this, and I am excited for when we get to try another style!
In addition to all that, Jennifer’s confidence has SKYROCKETED since these extensions went in. I've noticed a remarkable difference in her in what I can only describe as her coming across as more sure of herself and just plain being more bubbly and outspoken. It’s like her timid-ness went out the window as soon as the hair started going on. Very noticeable change in her personality!
This was also a good learning experience for Jayla. I knew going into the styling day that it was going to be hard for Jayla to watch Jennifer getting all my time and most of my attention that day. In a 4 year old’s world, this was going to feel like sacrifice, and it wasn’t going to feel good. I prayed for her leading up to it, that God would work in her heart. As the styling day started out, Jayla did have a bad attitude and bouts of pouting as I knew she would. I just took those opportunities as teaching moments and took her aside and prayed with her. Each time we talked about 1 John 3:16 and that this day was going to be a little example of how she could ‘lay down her life’ for Jennifer. I expressed to her that sacrifice doesn’t feel good because we are giving up what we want for ourselves. But that is God’s definition of love – acting in the interest of others instead of ourselves. God was giving her the opportunity to do just that during styling day. Throughout the morning I think I took Jayla aside about 3 different times and prayed for her and talked through these truths. By afternoon, the coolest thing happened. God had worked in her heart, and I noticed her attitude had completely lifted by about 2pm. She was excited for Jennifer and became her lighthearted, talkative self again. And God rewarded her change in heart. The neighbor girl came outside to play, and Jayla got to run around and play with her – all by herself! This then, produced tears and a bad attitude from Jennifer who really preferred to go outside and play instead of sit in the styling chair! Sheesh! I can’t win! :)
Alright, to finish out this post, a few more tips regarding the actual style. CHVC has a post about washing hair with yarn extensions in HERE and other tips and tricks for this style HERE.
Jennifer started wearing a sleep cap once these extensions went in, and it really does help to preserve the style through the tossing and turning in the night. She also uses a satin pillowcase which helps with that too. And she wears a shower cap during bath-time to avoid getting them wet unnecessarily.
For daily upkeep, when she takes her sleep cap off in the morning I then straighten out the yarn by taking fists of it on each end (below where her actual hair ends) and stretching it. Takes like 30 seconds to make a trip around her head. Then I have a water bottle with ¾ coconut oil and ¼ water mixed together. I spray that on the twists, but only on the inch segments where her actual hair is. That gives her enough moisture for the day and she is all set!
When I picked Jennifer up from her Sunday school class at church on the first day that she was sportin her extensions the teacher said that her hair was the talk of the class. She said the kids were asking, “Where can we get some hair like that?” The teacher said she had told them that it takes a reaaaalllly long time to get hair like that put in, and that it is reaaaaalllly expensive! Ha! Made me giggle knowing that in fact, it was only a $4 spool of yarn behind that look! And it gave me some more confidence to hear that her style looked like it had been achieved in an expensive salon! Whoo hoo!
For the past couple of weeks I had thought that Jennifer’s hair was getting long enough to try out a style. Here’s a look at the length of Jennifer’s hair when it is stretched out…
During our adoption journey a fellow adoptive mom from my church had referenced this website: http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/ (aka CHVC) which has become an invaluable resource to me. Leading up to this past weekend I reviewed the binder I had made from this website with the rundown on pre-style steps and the how-to instructions for the yarn extensions. Everything I am posting about today, I got from the CHVC website.
I set aside Saturday as our styling day, but we started the process on Friday night with washing, detangling, and banding.
DETANGLING: This was easy peasy since Jennifer’s hair is so short. I’ve heard this step becomes quite time-consuming the longer the hair gets. That is why the CHVC website recommends breaking the styling up into two days and doing this step the night before. For detangling we used Kinky Curly Knot Today as a leave-in conditioner/detangler (pictured above in the middle – you can also purchase this at Target). Then section by section I combed through her hair with a wide-tooth comb. After I combed through each section I banded it (explained below) before moving on to the next. The Kinky Curly Knot Today is just awesome. The comb glided right through her hair.
BANDING: Not sure how necessary this step is with short hair, but we did it anyways to get into the routine of it. Banding serves a couple of purposes – 1) It preserves all the work you did during detangling and 2) It stretches out the curl making the hair easier to handle once it is time to braid, twist, etc. To band, you just section off the hair and place soft pony tail holders down the length of each section. Since Jennifer’s hair is so short, I just used one pony holder for each section and tried to spread it out along the length of each little puff. This took about 15 minutes and then we were done for the night.
The CHVC website lists out the exact steps of how to put in the extensions, so I am not going to re-write them all here. Here is the link for the step-by-step-how-to complete with pictures: http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/2011/01/yarn-twist-extensions-exercise-in.html
And here is a video tutorial of putting in one extension from start to finish:
I definitely needed to view the video to understand exactly how to anchor the yarn in. She shares a few tips in the video that aren’t in the written instructions, so make sure you watch it if you are planning on doing this. I memorized these steps and practiced one of the extensions on a life-sized doll with hair the day before trying it on Jennifer to make sure I had the technique down. The day before our scheduled styling day I also practiced one extension on Jennifer's actual hair to ensure that her hair was going to be long enough to twist into the yarn. And it was!
Alright, here are the products and styling tools that I used while putting in the extensions…
From the nape of Jennifer's neck up to the crown of her head, I parted her hair in a brick pattern. So, from one row to the next the boxes are staggered which is hard to make out from this picture below. The arrow shows the point where her actual hair runs out - everything below the arrow is yarn alone.
Here was our little over halfway point which we got to at about 4pm I think!
We took breaks for lunch, dinner, bathroom breaks, stretch breaks, and a long run around break while I cut more yarn. :)
Finally, after a full day’s hard work, there was one row left to twist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Momma was ready to throw a party!
So, although we were both quite tired, we kept trucking along. I went through and adjusted all the knots at the bottoms of the extensions so they were as close as I could get them to the same length. I also tightened up each knot and tried to get them as flat as I could. This part can drive you a little crazy, especially if you are really set on everything looking symmetrical. CHVC gives some trimming tips HERE. Finally I got to the point where I was comfortable to start trimming off the excess right below the knots. The whole re-knotting and trimming episode took another good 45 minutes. After the trim we threw on Jennifer’s sleep cap and went to bed. The next morning we captured the results…..here’s how they turned out!
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And the back....
(side note: in real person her scalp does not show up this much - it is just the flash from the camera that is highlighting/reflecting it)
Throughout the styling day, if I would have counted, Jennifer said at least 25 times, “Mommy, I LOVE my head!” She also told me, “Mommy, I love YOU!” randomly throughout the day, and about every 15 minutes she was shouting to Jayla in her excitement, “Jayla, you want to come see my head?” During each break time she would run to the mirror and giggle, oooh and ahhhh, and shake and whip her hair around. It was definitely the most excited I have seen her – ever. I knew going into this that me doing her hair would come across as an act of love to her, and I think that is what kept me going and made me so excited for us to experience it. It was another step in attachment for the both of us.
Throughout the day, I also experienced an amazing sense of empowerment which came in the form of just plain being in awe of how God equipped me to this. Going into our adoption of the girls I had zero confidence in my ability to do their hair. BUT, I had a desire to learn, and I expressed that desire to God often. He led me to the resources and gave me the tools that I needed to educate myself. Then, He took my flimsy hands and non-hairstyling brain and physically equipped them. I give Him the glory, because I know that in and of myself doing hair does NOT come naturally. I know it sounds strange because we are talking about hair (which seems like a minor detail to most people), but this feels like a supernatural equipping within our adoption. I had no idea that I would ever actually be able to do this! You all remember where I started out right? I didn't even know how to french braid for goodness sakes! Yarn extensions are just a small success in the world of hair, but I definitely feel encouraged by this, and I am excited for when we get to try another style!
In addition to all that, Jennifer’s confidence has SKYROCKETED since these extensions went in. I've noticed a remarkable difference in her in what I can only describe as her coming across as more sure of herself and just plain being more bubbly and outspoken. It’s like her timid-ness went out the window as soon as the hair started going on. Very noticeable change in her personality!
This was also a good learning experience for Jayla. I knew going into the styling day that it was going to be hard for Jayla to watch Jennifer getting all my time and most of my attention that day. In a 4 year old’s world, this was going to feel like sacrifice, and it wasn’t going to feel good. I prayed for her leading up to it, that God would work in her heart. As the styling day started out, Jayla did have a bad attitude and bouts of pouting as I knew she would. I just took those opportunities as teaching moments and took her aside and prayed with her. Each time we talked about 1 John 3:16 and that this day was going to be a little example of how she could ‘lay down her life’ for Jennifer. I expressed to her that sacrifice doesn’t feel good because we are giving up what we want for ourselves. But that is God’s definition of love – acting in the interest of others instead of ourselves. God was giving her the opportunity to do just that during styling day. Throughout the morning I think I took Jayla aside about 3 different times and prayed for her and talked through these truths. By afternoon, the coolest thing happened. God had worked in her heart, and I noticed her attitude had completely lifted by about 2pm. She was excited for Jennifer and became her lighthearted, talkative self again. And God rewarded her change in heart. The neighbor girl came outside to play, and Jayla got to run around and play with her – all by herself! This then, produced tears and a bad attitude from Jennifer who really preferred to go outside and play instead of sit in the styling chair! Sheesh! I can’t win! :)
Alright, to finish out this post, a few more tips regarding the actual style. CHVC has a post about washing hair with yarn extensions in HERE and other tips and tricks for this style HERE.
Jennifer started wearing a sleep cap once these extensions went in, and it really does help to preserve the style through the tossing and turning in the night. She also uses a satin pillowcase which helps with that too. And she wears a shower cap during bath-time to avoid getting them wet unnecessarily.
For daily upkeep, when she takes her sleep cap off in the morning I then straighten out the yarn by taking fists of it on each end (below where her actual hair ends) and stretching it. Takes like 30 seconds to make a trip around her head. Then I have a water bottle with ¾ coconut oil and ¼ water mixed together. I spray that on the twists, but only on the inch segments where her actual hair is. That gives her enough moisture for the day and she is all set!
When I picked Jennifer up from her Sunday school class at church on the first day that she was sportin her extensions the teacher said that her hair was the talk of the class. She said the kids were asking, “Where can we get some hair like that?” The teacher said she had told them that it takes a reaaaalllly long time to get hair like that put in, and that it is reaaaaalllly expensive! Ha! Made me giggle knowing that in fact, it was only a $4 spool of yarn behind that look! And it gave me some more confidence to hear that her style looked like it had been achieved in an expensive salon! Whoo hoo!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Prophecy Fulfilled.
"I have a dream...
that one day
little black boys
and black girls
will be able to join hands
with little white boys
and white girls
and walk together
as sisters and brothers."
~Martin Luther King Jr.~
Saturday, November 17, 2012
3 Week Update Continued
Jennifer is saying a TON of English phrases and sentences now. One night last week I kept track of everything she said in a 5 minute time span and this is what I wrote down:
“Mommy, Jayla is where?”…“Mommy, Jasara is doing it!”…“Mommy, please tear it for me.”…“Mommy, I will do it for her.”… “Mommy, our pajamas!”… “Mommy, please, my goggles?”… “Mommy, this is cold.”…. “Ooooooh, wow!”…. “Mommy, see her hair.”… “Please, I would like some.”… “Mommy, Jasara is calling you.”… “Daddy, open your eyes!”… “Jayla, please open it for me.”
We can quite easily communicate now, and in the same way that Justice did, Jennifer is absorbing English so quickly that it blows my mind. It helps that I constantly repeat the same things over and over each day…. “It’s time to go!” “Let’s get our shoes on.” “We will do that tomorrow.” “Do you need help?” “It’s time to take a bath.” “Good job!!” Jennifer quickly learned the words see, stop, thank you, shoes, eat, hungry, school, help, play, cold, hot, etc because we say them so many times in a day! Of course, Jennifer’s English acquisition is helping her and Jayla’s relationship a TON as you can imagine! They can connect, communicate, and play much smoother now! They are much more in tune with each other! In the first week the girls were home, I had also noticed that Jennifer would speak words/phrases to Jasara in their Twi language numerous times per day. Now she talks to Jasara fully in English, and she also calls her Jasara 100% of the time now instead of Flo-Flo. :) Of course we would love it if Jennifer could maintain some of her Ghanaian language skills as well…..hopefully she will mirror what Justice did and still be able to understand the language, even if she chooses not to speak it.
After Jennifer’s first two weeks home, Jake and I began talking about enrolling her in the dance class that Jayla does on Tuesday evenings. Jake wanted to see how Jennifer would respond to a structured class setting where she would need to obey a teacher/instructor. He also thought it would be good to begin helping her with balance, motor skills, and fine tune movements. I don’t really know how to describe Jennifer’s movements other than being kind of stiff – she really lacks limber, flexibility, and balance. Jennifer also LOVES to dance….she’s always doing her little African dances, stomps and songs around the house. I really felt that if she went with us to Jayla’s class and wasn’t allowed to participate that she would feel left out and wonder why she couldn’t also have the opportunity. Our dance studio allows one week of free participation for new students to try the class at no cost, so we went for it! And oh my, did Jennifer LOVE IT! She concentrated the entire time, obeyed the instructor every step of the way, and caught on so quickly to how the class is run. It was so fun, because all of her classmates were nice to her right away – wanted to know her name, gave her lots of smiles, and didn’t miss a beat with her being added into the class. We also had informed her instructor ahead of time that she was just learning English, so the class helpers really made sure to stick by Jennifer and help her to understand what they were doing by getting her in position and using a lot of gestures. Here are a few snapshots I got of her in action!
Someone else wanted to join the class too and was absolutely GLUED to the doorway watching her big sisters and trying to imitate their every move!!!!!!!!
After the class Jennifer said to me with a big smile, “Oh Mommy, I like dance!” And she said ‘like’ really loud and emphasized. She was sooooo excited about the class, and talked about it the whole way home. Her favorite part was the tap. The neat thing was that another little girl also happened to be trying the class out on this night, and we are now matched as partners with her to receive the 2 for 1 discount (Jayla was already matched with someone else at the beginning of the season). It was such a little blessing that God had that planned! Not only that, but it wasn’t yet too late to sign Jennifer up for the spring recital, so we were able to get her measurements in and she’ll be able to participate in it! Yay!
I also wanted to include a little update on how Jayla is doing. After about a week and a half of the girls being home we started to see spurts of Jayla’s personality and ‘old self’ start to come back. Oh what a relief that was to my mommy heart! She was starting to giggle and showing her goofy episodes and non-stop talking again in little pieces. It wasn’t fully back, but we were catching glimpses of her relaxing and settling into the new normal.
With that, Jayla still continues to get ‘triggered’ by something that will upset her and set her off into instant tears. This continues to happen over ‘small’ things that would have never bothered her before. Recently God has reiterated to me that I need to get to the ‘heart of the matter’ and then it will give me understanding of how to instruct and help Jayla.
One such incident happened at church when we came to pick Jayla and Jennifer up from their class. I didn’t quite catch everything that played out, but out of the corner of my eye I saw the teacher ask Jennifer to go and hang her artwork up on the wall. And then Jayla got all weird about hanging hers up and ended up bursting into uncontrollable tears. The middle of what happened was foggy and Jake and I weren’t quite sure what went wrong, but Jayla sobbed all the way to the car and then the entire drive home. Once we got home I pulled Jayla aside by herself and asked her what she was so upset about. It took some convincing on my part to get her to share what was going on, but eventually she said, “I messed up on my artwork.” Immediately, with the Holy Spirit’s discernment I felt the Lord say that Jayla was comparing her artwork to Jennifer’s in those moments of hanging them on display. And in comparison, Jayla felt that hers wasn’t as good as Jennifer’s. It’s kind of a strange thing when the Holy Spirit tells you something. I never would have figured this out on my own! But then I started putting all the pieces together! I’ve noticed Jayla starting to display these sort of “I’m not good enough” emotions a lot lately. My mind floated to the day we tried on her Halloween costume. After we were done Jayla pointed to the picture of the girl on the costume package and said, “I wish I looked like that girl. I like her hair and her face.” My mommy heart literally DROPPED. To hear your 4 year old daughter say something like this for the first time is sort of a harsh shake into reality. It is *crazy* how the devil can already be planting these little lies into the minds of our children…..she’s only 4! “I’m not pretty enough.” “I wish I looked like her.” In addition, I’ve also noticed Jayla saying “cutting” remarks to Jennifer. At first I was addressing these remarks by pointing out to Jayla that she was being mean (and for this I can be thankful that Jennifer doesn’t fully understand what Jayla is saying or her tone because she would be hurt by it if she knew fully). But now, I again understand that I am only addressing the surface when I tell Jayla not to be mean. Jayla is saying these cutting remarks in order to put Jennifer down and promote herself. In bringing these two new girls into our family and into our home, Jayla now perceives everything as a comparison. She first questions whether she is good enough – in looks, in artwork, in writing letters, in playing games, in every part of our day really – and then that spurs her to remark that she wants what someone else has, or it results in her speaking a putdown. I’m sure some will be taken aback by my bluntness, but this is sin. Sin displayed in a 4 year old.
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” ~ Exodus 20:17 ~
Man must not envy other people’s possessions, their abilities, their looks, or whatever they may have. Satan had said, “I will be like the Most High,” coveting God’s position. To covet, to be greedy or jealous, is sin and totally unacceptable to the Lord. It’s the path that Satan followed (excerpt from ‘The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus’ page 132).
Once again, inviting others into our home and into our family has exposed our yuck and our sin. Not just Jayla. All of us. Like a mirror, we really do not see our sin until something or someone exposes it. For Jayla, it’s been having her two sisters join our family. But you know what? Although this is hard, and sad, and rough at times, I would MUCH RATHER us be dealing with Jayla’s sin now at the age of 4 than the age of 14. This is not to say that she won’t struggle with any of this again later in life. But it is to say that the earlier we can lead her to finding her identity, confidence, and internal character in Christ, then the more solid of a foundation we will have once we hit the emotional teenage girl years.
You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of Godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did. ~ Reverend James Hufstetler ~
I of course cannot physically reach in and form my child’s heart to learn these spiritual understandings that I so desperately want her to know. But I firmly believe that it is my job as her mom to continue to show and teach Jayla how far-reaching and complete God’s love is for her. That He created every piece of her intricately and thoughtfully for a specific purpose. And I must trust that God will use this all to work in her heart, to give her clarity of who He has created her to be, and to show her that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).
As I blogged about in a previous post, I’ve started reading through and rehearsing God’s promises with Jayla and Jennifer BEFORE we start our day – right after we get dressed. For a few days there I was actually dreading morning time, because I knew one of them would get triggered by something (stubbing their toe, not wanting to put on lotion, the jeans they wanted to wear weren’t clean, didn’t like what I served for breakfast) which would bring their deeper hurts to the surface and start a sobbing episode. God is definitely equipping me to deal with their deeper hurts - I’m not saying I want to avoid the times He gives me to shepherd them - but I just prefer to not start every day with them sobbing! So, we’ve started reading the ‘Jesus Calling for Kids’ devotional each morning, and can I just say that since two days after we started this we have had NO morning time crying, grieving, or pouting episodes since. Trust me, I’ve been keeping track. Not one. Setting our minds and hearts on God’s promises and perspectives is completely life changing. It gives us hope and purpose to even face the day. Our hearts just seem to lift, and our momentary troubles literally fade. I can see it on my girls’ faces!
One other thing that Jake and I have been observing in Jayla is that she has become quite bossy with Jennifer and Jasara...literally trying to order their every move. Don’t do this, do that. Not that way. You can’t do that. No No No. As I’ve observed Jayla day in and day out, I’ve realized that she’s lost some control over her environment, her routine, her life – whatever control she had to begin with. Her bossiness is a way to grasp for that control back. I haven’t the slightest idea of where she gets this from. Ahem. :) But this all came to the surface for me last weekend when Jayla had gotten upset about something minor and was trying to boss Jennifer around after the incident. I was in the other room and I heard Jake say, “Jayla you’ve got to lighten up honey. Have fun! You can’t get upset about every little thing. At this rate you are going to end up a crabby old lady someday that never comes out of her room.” Jake isn't one to smooth-talk the issue at hand if you couldn't tell!
Although Jake wasn’t talking to me, God used his counsel to Jayla and impressed it on my own heart. I also have a tendency to get so serious, tisk-task, and controlling that I forget to smile, breathe and unscrunch my brows. I don’t allow people grace. I would rather them be orderly, do things my way, and act ship-shape. I have to constantly watch myself to not nag on my children about every little thing, because it really is my nature to do so. What Jake was seeing in Jayla was a product of me. In those moments Jayla needed to be reminded to lighten up, and so did I. The next day we prayed and invited the joy of the Lord to reign in our home and family. Not that our joy in the Lord was lost, but by our own doing it had definitely been smothered by the perceived weight of burdens, to-do lists, light and momentary troubles, and graspings for regaining control. Over the past few days, Jennifer had even been saying to me, “Mommy, laugh!” when she was doing something goofy and I would see her but not even flinch. Who forgets to laugh? The one with a preoccupied, on edge, and too-serious mind. Me! We prayed specifically over Romans 15:13 that the God of hope would fill us with all joy and peace as we trusted in Him, and that we would BUBBLE OVER with JOY by the power of the Holy Spirit. We invited the Lord to give us giggle attacks, and goofiness, and the sillies. For less seriousness, and more light-heartedness. For smiles and radiant faces that reflect the work that the Lord is doing in our lives. My hope and prayer is that when and if you ever encounter our family, you will see us embracing the chaos with light hearts and joy spilling over. Oh Lord, let it be!
“Mommy, Jayla is where?”…“Mommy, Jasara is doing it!”…“Mommy, please tear it for me.”…“Mommy, I will do it for her.”… “Mommy, our pajamas!”… “Mommy, please, my goggles?”… “Mommy, this is cold.”…. “Ooooooh, wow!”…. “Mommy, see her hair.”… “Please, I would like some.”… “Mommy, Jasara is calling you.”… “Daddy, open your eyes!”… “Jayla, please open it for me.”
We can quite easily communicate now, and in the same way that Justice did, Jennifer is absorbing English so quickly that it blows my mind. It helps that I constantly repeat the same things over and over each day…. “It’s time to go!” “Let’s get our shoes on.” “We will do that tomorrow.” “Do you need help?” “It’s time to take a bath.” “Good job!!” Jennifer quickly learned the words see, stop, thank you, shoes, eat, hungry, school, help, play, cold, hot, etc because we say them so many times in a day! Of course, Jennifer’s English acquisition is helping her and Jayla’s relationship a TON as you can imagine! They can connect, communicate, and play much smoother now! They are much more in tune with each other! In the first week the girls were home, I had also noticed that Jennifer would speak words/phrases to Jasara in their Twi language numerous times per day. Now she talks to Jasara fully in English, and she also calls her Jasara 100% of the time now instead of Flo-Flo. :) Of course we would love it if Jennifer could maintain some of her Ghanaian language skills as well…..hopefully she will mirror what Justice did and still be able to understand the language, even if she chooses not to speak it.
After Jennifer’s first two weeks home, Jake and I began talking about enrolling her in the dance class that Jayla does on Tuesday evenings. Jake wanted to see how Jennifer would respond to a structured class setting where she would need to obey a teacher/instructor. He also thought it would be good to begin helping her with balance, motor skills, and fine tune movements. I don’t really know how to describe Jennifer’s movements other than being kind of stiff – she really lacks limber, flexibility, and balance. Jennifer also LOVES to dance….she’s always doing her little African dances, stomps and songs around the house. I really felt that if she went with us to Jayla’s class and wasn’t allowed to participate that she would feel left out and wonder why she couldn’t also have the opportunity. Our dance studio allows one week of free participation for new students to try the class at no cost, so we went for it! And oh my, did Jennifer LOVE IT! She concentrated the entire time, obeyed the instructor every step of the way, and caught on so quickly to how the class is run. It was so fun, because all of her classmates were nice to her right away – wanted to know her name, gave her lots of smiles, and didn’t miss a beat with her being added into the class. We also had informed her instructor ahead of time that she was just learning English, so the class helpers really made sure to stick by Jennifer and help her to understand what they were doing by getting her in position and using a lot of gestures. Here are a few snapshots I got of her in action!
Someone else wanted to join the class too and was absolutely GLUED to the doorway watching her big sisters and trying to imitate their every move!!!!!!!!
After the class Jennifer said to me with a big smile, “Oh Mommy, I like dance!” And she said ‘like’ really loud and emphasized. She was sooooo excited about the class, and talked about it the whole way home. Her favorite part was the tap. The neat thing was that another little girl also happened to be trying the class out on this night, and we are now matched as partners with her to receive the 2 for 1 discount (Jayla was already matched with someone else at the beginning of the season). It was such a little blessing that God had that planned! Not only that, but it wasn’t yet too late to sign Jennifer up for the spring recital, so we were able to get her measurements in and she’ll be able to participate in it! Yay!
I also wanted to include a little update on how Jayla is doing. After about a week and a half of the girls being home we started to see spurts of Jayla’s personality and ‘old self’ start to come back. Oh what a relief that was to my mommy heart! She was starting to giggle and showing her goofy episodes and non-stop talking again in little pieces. It wasn’t fully back, but we were catching glimpses of her relaxing and settling into the new normal.
With that, Jayla still continues to get ‘triggered’ by something that will upset her and set her off into instant tears. This continues to happen over ‘small’ things that would have never bothered her before. Recently God has reiterated to me that I need to get to the ‘heart of the matter’ and then it will give me understanding of how to instruct and help Jayla.
One such incident happened at church when we came to pick Jayla and Jennifer up from their class. I didn’t quite catch everything that played out, but out of the corner of my eye I saw the teacher ask Jennifer to go and hang her artwork up on the wall. And then Jayla got all weird about hanging hers up and ended up bursting into uncontrollable tears. The middle of what happened was foggy and Jake and I weren’t quite sure what went wrong, but Jayla sobbed all the way to the car and then the entire drive home. Once we got home I pulled Jayla aside by herself and asked her what she was so upset about. It took some convincing on my part to get her to share what was going on, but eventually she said, “I messed up on my artwork.” Immediately, with the Holy Spirit’s discernment I felt the Lord say that Jayla was comparing her artwork to Jennifer’s in those moments of hanging them on display. And in comparison, Jayla felt that hers wasn’t as good as Jennifer’s. It’s kind of a strange thing when the Holy Spirit tells you something. I never would have figured this out on my own! But then I started putting all the pieces together! I’ve noticed Jayla starting to display these sort of “I’m not good enough” emotions a lot lately. My mind floated to the day we tried on her Halloween costume. After we were done Jayla pointed to the picture of the girl on the costume package and said, “I wish I looked like that girl. I like her hair and her face.” My mommy heart literally DROPPED. To hear your 4 year old daughter say something like this for the first time is sort of a harsh shake into reality. It is *crazy* how the devil can already be planting these little lies into the minds of our children…..she’s only 4! “I’m not pretty enough.” “I wish I looked like her.” In addition, I’ve also noticed Jayla saying “cutting” remarks to Jennifer. At first I was addressing these remarks by pointing out to Jayla that she was being mean (and for this I can be thankful that Jennifer doesn’t fully understand what Jayla is saying or her tone because she would be hurt by it if she knew fully). But now, I again understand that I am only addressing the surface when I tell Jayla not to be mean. Jayla is saying these cutting remarks in order to put Jennifer down and promote herself. In bringing these two new girls into our family and into our home, Jayla now perceives everything as a comparison. She first questions whether she is good enough – in looks, in artwork, in writing letters, in playing games, in every part of our day really – and then that spurs her to remark that she wants what someone else has, or it results in her speaking a putdown. I’m sure some will be taken aback by my bluntness, but this is sin. Sin displayed in a 4 year old.
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” ~ Exodus 20:17 ~
Man must not envy other people’s possessions, their abilities, their looks, or whatever they may have. Satan had said, “I will be like the Most High,” coveting God’s position. To covet, to be greedy or jealous, is sin and totally unacceptable to the Lord. It’s the path that Satan followed (excerpt from ‘The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus’ page 132).
Once again, inviting others into our home and into our family has exposed our yuck and our sin. Not just Jayla. All of us. Like a mirror, we really do not see our sin until something or someone exposes it. For Jayla, it’s been having her two sisters join our family. But you know what? Although this is hard, and sad, and rough at times, I would MUCH RATHER us be dealing with Jayla’s sin now at the age of 4 than the age of 14. This is not to say that she won’t struggle with any of this again later in life. But it is to say that the earlier we can lead her to finding her identity, confidence, and internal character in Christ, then the more solid of a foundation we will have once we hit the emotional teenage girl years.
You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of Godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did. ~ Reverend James Hufstetler ~
I of course cannot physically reach in and form my child’s heart to learn these spiritual understandings that I so desperately want her to know. But I firmly believe that it is my job as her mom to continue to show and teach Jayla how far-reaching and complete God’s love is for her. That He created every piece of her intricately and thoughtfully for a specific purpose. And I must trust that God will use this all to work in her heart, to give her clarity of who He has created her to be, and to show her that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).
As I blogged about in a previous post, I’ve started reading through and rehearsing God’s promises with Jayla and Jennifer BEFORE we start our day – right after we get dressed. For a few days there I was actually dreading morning time, because I knew one of them would get triggered by something (stubbing their toe, not wanting to put on lotion, the jeans they wanted to wear weren’t clean, didn’t like what I served for breakfast) which would bring their deeper hurts to the surface and start a sobbing episode. God is definitely equipping me to deal with their deeper hurts - I’m not saying I want to avoid the times He gives me to shepherd them - but I just prefer to not start every day with them sobbing! So, we’ve started reading the ‘Jesus Calling for Kids’ devotional each morning, and can I just say that since two days after we started this we have had NO morning time crying, grieving, or pouting episodes since. Trust me, I’ve been keeping track. Not one. Setting our minds and hearts on God’s promises and perspectives is completely life changing. It gives us hope and purpose to even face the day. Our hearts just seem to lift, and our momentary troubles literally fade. I can see it on my girls’ faces!
One other thing that Jake and I have been observing in Jayla is that she has become quite bossy with Jennifer and Jasara...literally trying to order their every move. Don’t do this, do that. Not that way. You can’t do that. No No No. As I’ve observed Jayla day in and day out, I’ve realized that she’s lost some control over her environment, her routine, her life – whatever control she had to begin with. Her bossiness is a way to grasp for that control back. I haven’t the slightest idea of where she gets this from. Ahem. :) But this all came to the surface for me last weekend when Jayla had gotten upset about something minor and was trying to boss Jennifer around after the incident. I was in the other room and I heard Jake say, “Jayla you’ve got to lighten up honey. Have fun! You can’t get upset about every little thing. At this rate you are going to end up a crabby old lady someday that never comes out of her room.” Jake isn't one to smooth-talk the issue at hand if you couldn't tell!
Although Jake wasn’t talking to me, God used his counsel to Jayla and impressed it on my own heart. I also have a tendency to get so serious, tisk-task, and controlling that I forget to smile, breathe and unscrunch my brows. I don’t allow people grace. I would rather them be orderly, do things my way, and act ship-shape. I have to constantly watch myself to not nag on my children about every little thing, because it really is my nature to do so. What Jake was seeing in Jayla was a product of me. In those moments Jayla needed to be reminded to lighten up, and so did I. The next day we prayed and invited the joy of the Lord to reign in our home and family. Not that our joy in the Lord was lost, but by our own doing it had definitely been smothered by the perceived weight of burdens, to-do lists, light and momentary troubles, and graspings for regaining control. Over the past few days, Jennifer had even been saying to me, “Mommy, laugh!” when she was doing something goofy and I would see her but not even flinch. Who forgets to laugh? The one with a preoccupied, on edge, and too-serious mind. Me! We prayed specifically over Romans 15:13 that the God of hope would fill us with all joy and peace as we trusted in Him, and that we would BUBBLE OVER with JOY by the power of the Holy Spirit. We invited the Lord to give us giggle attacks, and goofiness, and the sillies. For less seriousness, and more light-heartedness. For smiles and radiant faces that reflect the work that the Lord is doing in our lives. My hope and prayer is that when and if you ever encounter our family, you will see us embracing the chaos with light hearts and joy spilling over. Oh Lord, let it be!
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