Can I be real for a moment? Adoption is hard. Yes we have the cutest adopted kids in the world. But behind the cutesy pictures is a struggle. It’s hard parenting and connecting with children who are not my flesh and blood. It is draining learning to love sacrificially when the feelings inside of me scream otherwise. It is ugly having my own sin and depravity exposed again and again, day after day, via adoption. I am still as selfish, rebellious, and unlovely as I ever was. Adoption hasn’t changed that, rather it has brought it to the surface even more. I am coming through a season in which it has crossed my mind more than once of how I literally want to run away from this anointment, this calling that God has put on our lives to take in orphans into our family. It would be so much easier not to. Life would be a lot prettier and a lot less messy. Yet, through those raw emotions I hear God whisper that perseverance must finish its work in me so that I will be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:4). Perseverance is not one of my top qualities. I would rather run the opposite direction when things get hard and ugly and messy. For awhile now Jake has been listening to sermon podcasts while he works out in the morning and he kept telling me that I should try it. I am usually glued to my music for work outs, but the other day I was led to a boatload of online sermons and the title of one of them caught my attention ~ ‘Running From Your Life’. I listened to it while working out the other day and it brought me truths from the life of Elijah that I had never seen in scripture before. If you can relate to anything I’ve said above then I hope it encourages you too...
http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/room101/running-from-your-life
Thanks Janel, I have been missing your blog. The emotions that you stated above are some of what I am going through as we are almost about to adopt 2 boys here in Zambia. It is getting so real and I can feel myself wanting to pull out because of the struggle that is coming. I will pray for you guys and please pray for us- I may email soon with some questions...
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to stop by and let you know that I have shared that message with nearly every one I know. I myself have listened to it at least 5 or 6 times. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteOh boy....here. we. go. Thank you for sharing! I echo in saying I too, miss your blog! Your truth, vulnerability, and genuineness is a blessing!
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