This morning we went in for our 7am visa appointment hoping for good news. Instead we were told that they could not issue the visa yet because the burial permit we provided for Samuel’s father was not enough evidence for his death. Instead they said they need an actual death certificate as evidence, otherwise they do not have proof that Samuel is legally able to be adopted. Okay, so far that makes sense to me. What doesn’t make sense is this – why was this requirement not mentioned when our case and paperwork was being reviewed for our I-600 approval? In fact, one of the main supporting evidences for I-600 approval is to submit a death certificate. For this evidence all we had was the burial permit, which we submitted, and were approved on. Shouldn’t this need for the death certificate have been noted months ago?
I have a lot of other frustrations running through my head right now that I need to sort through before writing. But, one thing that keeps echoing in my head is the words of the Embassy worker “you should not have traveled yet.” The worker told us that our power of attorney could have gone through the rest of these appointments on our behalf, and that the Embassy does not recommend making travel plans until the visa is printed. It is becoming clear that there must have been a miscommunication between our agency and the Embassy as to what this appointment was supposed to be. We all thought we were coming to pick up the visa….that there was no more processing left. I confirmed this twice with our agency before we booked our flights. No more processing left, right? We are literally just going to pick up the visa, right? Yes.
No.
I cannot even begin to describe the anguish that I am feeling inside right now. Even as I write this, Samuel has watched me pack up the bags, and he knows something is wrong. He can sense the sadness in the air in our hotel room. Jake has been laying on the bed, head in his hands, thinking. I have been getting all of our bags packed, trying to figure out what stays and what goes. I look at Samuel and see the uncertainty in his eyes. I walk over to him, kneel down, and explain again that JJ and Mommy have to go home, but Daddy will stay with him and he will get to come home soon. The look in his eyes is too much to handle. So I try to change the subject.
“Want to go kick the soccer ball outside?”
“No,” he says quietly.
“How about a granola bar?”
“No,” he says again.
Two of his favorite things and now I am out of options. I sit down on the couch. And then, Samuel comes and lays down on the couch, resting his head on my lap. Yes, he knows. He knows this was not how this trip was supposed to end. He knows that he doesn’t get to go home yet. And the tears come running down my face. No sense in gulping them back any longer. Just let them have their way. Does anyone know how hard this is? To put this sort of hope in a child, and then to have it taken away so suddenly with no warning is the worst kind of sickening feeling you could ever imagine. I almost feel like someone is just playing a big joke on us. Or, like I’ve just been swept downstream after swimming upstream for months. I am tempted to think that God has forsaken us and this adoption. But, I know that is not true and that God is still here, holding us together. But I don’t understand why this is happening.
Psalm 39:12
Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping.
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And that was my last journal entry from our trip. At the point that I wrote this, we all had pretty much hit rock bottom and I couldn’t write any more. The flight home for me was probably the most emotional thing that I have ever been through. As an adoptive family, the flight home with your child is one of those moments that you look forward to the most. I felt like this visa disaster had ripped away everything that we had been looking forward to….and it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that it was extremely hard to adjust and process everything emotionally.
As you all know, JJ did end up staying with Jake and Samuel until that Friday and the 3 of them had a few more wonderful days of bonding together. Then JJ and Jake returned home without Samuel.
The days following my arrival home were pretty rough. I’ve had a really hard time getting back into the swing of life because my mind and heart have been almost totally consumed with thinking about Samuel. However, I have found some really cool nuggets of encouragement within scripture that have definitely given me insight into all of this, and have aided me in processing what has happened.
For now it’s been wonderful to be out on the road, traveling with Jake’s teams and just having some good family time together. I think of Samuel a million times a day, but it helps tremendously knowing that he is being so well cared for by Esi. Samuel is still calling us every day, now it is down to about 10 times for each of us (and he requests to talk to JJ too). :) We are still awaiting any further word regarding Samuel’s visa.
Thank you ALL for the tremendous amount of emails and messages that we have received full of encouragement, and verses to cling to. For me, the verses especially were a shot of truth that drowned out the lies that seemed to be fogging up my mind daily. It was extremely hard for me to want to even open my Bible for a few days, but every time I would read an email or get on Facebook there was God’s truth staring me right in the face in your kind notes.
Here are the last pictures that I took on our trip….this was my last day with Samuel….Jake practiced the Kingdom Hoops Ghana team on this day, so I got some good basketball pictures. :)
We love you Samuel!!!!!!!!!!
Such a true post of emotions! Very brave of you to share.
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