Common Stages of Adjustment in Toddler Adoptions

Over the next few months of our adoption process I will be sharing bits and pieces of interesting information regarding international adoption. We will be adopting a toddler aged anywhere between 1-4 years. Toddler adoption has its own set of unique challenges. Because our child will be adopted internationally, he not only will be adjusting to our new family, but to a new country, possibly a new language, new smells, new weather, new sights, new food, and many other new surroundings. The adjustment phase in toddler adoption typically is made up of the following stages:

Grieving
All adoption starts with a loss….the child loses their birthparents (and in our case their country, and culture) and the birthparents have lost their child. In some cases the child has also lost their foster care providers or familiar orphanage workers. Just as we grieve when we have lost a loved one, adopted toddlers may also: cry uncontrollably and inconsolably, show disturbed eating and sleeping patterns, show behaviors displaying shock/denial, be lethargic, be angered or depressed, and be mournful.

Honeymoon Phase
The child often ‘puts on’ their best behavior in an effort to ensure they will not be ‘sent back’ to their prior living conditions. They will be pleasant to be around, compliant, show willful cooperation, and friendly behavior.

Testing Phase
During this phase the child will purposely misbehave in order to test whether or not the parents are in this for the long haul. Deliberate disobedience, testing of boundaries, and exploring outcomes of misbehavior accompany this phase.

Acceptance
The light at the end of the tunnel. The child has genuinely integrated himself into the family and functions like a regular member. The child will accept nuturing, rocking, comforting and cuddling. The child shows that he is comfortable with the family and willfully tries to please. Trust and bonding begin to build into the relationship.

If you would like to read more about this topic click here http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/stories/korea-gabe.html to read a mother’s personal story in going through these stages with her adoptive son.