Little Miss Purple

Jayla prefers her PURPLE cup,

And her PURPLE dress.

She always chooses the PURPLE popsicles,

and the PURPLE suckers.

When coloring, she always colors with the PURPLE crayon first.

When shopping she points out and comments on anything she sees that is PURPLE.

Well, I sure wish I would have known about her love for PURPLE before I painted her bedroom PINK!

I guess for now, this is the best that I can do…..

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For His Glory

So, my journal is posted, and we are now past the initial shock and disappointment of this situation we found ourselves in awaiting Samuel’s visa. It’s been a few weeks since our trip and I have begun to see little nuggets of truth and insight that have really helped me to continue persevering through this trial. With all the scripture everyone was sending us in emails and messages, it seemed pretty convenient to just print off the emails and pray through the many verses right there on the paper. A few days later I was able to jump back into the Psalms which I had been reading through prior to our trip. The Psalms are quite applicable to my heart right now, and I am finding so much comfort in reading them.

I also just finished the book I had started at the beginning of our trip to Ghana - Crazy Love by Francis Chan. He has SO many good points……like this one:

I wrote this book because much of our talk doesn’t match our lives. We say things like, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” and “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” Then we live and plan like we don’t believe God exists. We try to set our lives up so everything will be fine even if God doesn’t come through. But true faith means holding nothing back. It means putting every hope in God’s fidelity to His promises.

We are consumed by safety (and I would add for myself that I am consumed by staying in my comfort zone). Obsessed with it, actually. Now I am not saying it is wrong to pray for God’s protection, but I am questioning how we’ve made safety our highest priority. We’ve elevated safety to the neglect of whatever God’s best is, whatever would bring God the most glory, or whatever would accomplish His purposes in our lives and in the world.

Would you be willing to pray this prayer – God bring me closer to You, whatever it takes….

People who are obsessed with Jesus aren’t consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God’s kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress.

Sounds pretty crazy doesn’t it? But the question is clear - are we willing to go ‘all in’ for Christ? Will we have the faith to enter where God leads us, even if it looks uncomfortable, painful, or possibly even really hard? Will we be Christ-followers who are more concerned about God’s glory being revealed through our lives and trials and situations, than our own comfort?

These questions have resonated through my soul over the past weeks. Am I willing? Can I have a joyful outlook in this trial because of the way God has and will display His glory through it? The apostle Paul willingly served Christ in this way. In 2 Corinthians 4: 8-10 he says:

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.

There are so many purposes in suffering and in trials. And one of them that I have been reminded of over the past few weeks is that God uses trials in our life to demonstrate His awesome power, presence and sovereignty. In this adoption we have witnessed some awesome stuff that God has done. Time and again. And I'm looking forward to the end of the story.

God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through. –Francis Chan-

Ghana Trip 2: Day 6 (Last Day)

Well, I just finished packing up my suitcase and JJ’s suitcase. We are getting prepared for our flight home this evening – we are returning home without Samuel and without Jake. I feel like I’ve been living a nightmare all day long. This was supposed to be the happiest trip to the airport that I would ever take. The culmination of our adoption journey. A first step into Samuel’s new life. Instead, I feel like we’ve taken about 20 steps backwards. And I don’t understand. I have a lot of questions. There is some reason that Jake and Samuel have to stay here until this is all resolved. Right now I sit here frustrated, yet hope-filled that tomorrow will be the day that the visa is issued. Or, maybe the next day, or the next. And, if not by Friday, then I don’t know what will be next because Jake will have to head home then – with or without Samuel.

This morning we went in for our 7am visa appointment hoping for good news. Instead we were told that they could not issue the visa yet because the burial permit we provided for Samuel’s father was not enough evidence for his death. Instead they said they need an actual death certificate as evidence, otherwise they do not have proof that Samuel is legally able to be adopted. Okay, so far that makes sense to me. What doesn’t make sense is this – why was this requirement not mentioned when our case and paperwork was being reviewed for our I-600 approval? In fact, one of the main supporting evidences for I-600 approval is to submit a death certificate. For this evidence all we had was the burial permit, which we submitted, and were approved on. Shouldn’t this need for the death certificate have been noted months ago?

I have a lot of other frustrations running through my head right now that I need to sort through before writing. But, one thing that keeps echoing in my head is the words of the Embassy worker “you should not have traveled yet.” The worker told us that our power of attorney could have gone through the rest of these appointments on our behalf, and that the Embassy does not recommend making travel plans until the visa is printed. It is becoming clear that there must have been a miscommunication between our agency and the Embassy as to what this appointment was supposed to be. We all thought we were coming to pick up the visa….that there was no more processing left. I confirmed this twice with our agency before we booked our flights. No more processing left, right? We are literally just going to pick up the visa, right? Yes.

No.

I cannot even begin to describe the anguish that I am feeling inside right now. Even as I write this, Samuel has watched me pack up the bags, and he knows something is wrong. He can sense the sadness in the air in our hotel room. Jake has been laying on the bed, head in his hands, thinking. I have been getting all of our bags packed, trying to figure out what stays and what goes. I look at Samuel and see the uncertainty in his eyes. I walk over to him, kneel down, and explain again that JJ and Mommy have to go home, but Daddy will stay with him and he will get to come home soon. The look in his eyes is too much to handle. So I try to change the subject.

“Want to go kick the soccer ball outside?”

“No,” he says quietly.

“How about a granola bar?”

“No,” he says again.

Two of his favorite things and now I am out of options. I sit down on the couch. And then, Samuel comes and lays down on the couch, resting his head on my lap. Yes, he knows. He knows this was not how this trip was supposed to end. He knows that he doesn’t get to go home yet. And the tears come running down my face. No sense in gulping them back any longer. Just let them have their way. Does anyone know how hard this is? To put this sort of hope in a child, and then to have it taken away so suddenly with no warning is the worst kind of sickening feeling you could ever imagine. I almost feel like someone is just playing a big joke on us. Or, like I’ve just been swept downstream after swimming upstream for months. I am tempted to think that God has forsaken us and this adoption. But, I know that is not true and that God is still here, holding us together. But I don’t understand why this is happening.

Psalm 39:12
Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping.

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And that was my last journal entry from our trip. At the point that I wrote this, we all had pretty much hit rock bottom and I couldn’t write any more. The flight home for me was probably the most emotional thing that I have ever been through. As an adoptive family, the flight home with your child is one of those moments that you look forward to the most. I felt like this visa disaster had ripped away everything that we had been looking forward to….and it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that it was extremely hard to adjust and process everything emotionally.

As you all know, JJ did end up staying with Jake and Samuel until that Friday and the 3 of them had a few more wonderful days of bonding together. Then JJ and Jake returned home without Samuel.

The days following my arrival home were pretty rough. I’ve had a really hard time getting back into the swing of life because my mind and heart have been almost totally consumed with thinking about Samuel. However, I have found some really cool nuggets of encouragement within scripture that have definitely given me insight into all of this, and have aided me in processing what has happened.

For now it’s been wonderful to be out on the road, traveling with Jake’s teams and just having some good family time together. I think of Samuel a million times a day, but it helps tremendously knowing that he is being so well cared for by Esi. Samuel is still calling us every day, now it is down to about 10 times for each of us (and he requests to talk to JJ too). :) We are still awaiting any further word regarding Samuel’s visa.

Thank you ALL for the tremendous amount of emails and messages that we have received full of encouragement, and verses to cling to. For me, the verses especially were a shot of truth that drowned out the lies that seemed to be fogging up my mind daily. It was extremely hard for me to want to even open my Bible for a few days, but every time I would read an email or get on Facebook there was God’s truth staring me right in the face in your kind notes.

Here are the last pictures that I took on our trip….this was my last day with Samuel….Jake practiced the Kingdom Hoops Ghana team on this day, so I got some good basketball pictures. :)

We love you Samuel!!!!!!!!!!

Ghana Trip 2: Day 5

“Sullivan family, window 4 please.”

This was the moment we had been waiting for all day long. We walked up to the window to speak with the Embassy worker and then…

“I am sorry, I have no news for you. We are still waiting on the processing to be completed by the Ghanaian government.”

My heart sunk. Jake continued talking with the very distraught Embassy worker who we could tell wanted this as badly as we did. The words weren’t coming to him as he tried to explain that there was nothing more he could do for our case. We just had to wait. Wait – a familiar term in the Sullivan adoption journey.

“Come back tomorrow at 3pm and we will see if it is done. I cannot make any guarantees. But, if not tomorrow then hopefully by Friday.”

A foggy outlook that none of us wanted to hear.

But, you know what? The worker mentioned hope. And that tiny little word means so much. There is still hope for tomorrow. There is a reason that there were only 5 seats available on the 1am flight for tonight. There is a reason that we will all be here 1 more day. A few months ago a friend and fellow adoptive mom called me while were awaiting our I-600 approval for Samuel’s adoption. Her encouraging words echo in my mind today. She said to me “God is never a day late.” I believe it. And now it is crunch time. We have one more day here. And I continually must remind myself of where my hope lays. I am not trusting in the Ghanaian government to get this administrative processing done before our flight leaves. I am not trusting in the U.S. Embassy workers to expedite our case. I am trusting in the maker of heaven and earth. The One who created the world and everything in it. The One who started this adoption in the first place and the One who will finish it.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
(Psalm 25:1-5)

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About an hour ago the U.S. Embassy called and said for all of us to come in at 7am tomorrow morning instead of 3pm. My heart leaps for joy! We all think this sounds like good news! Pray, pray, pray!

I was talking with Abigail today about the emotions that you go through on your first trip to Ghana.

She was asking me if I thought it was normal to feel frustrated by the end of the trip. I said that seemed to be my first experience too. On our last trip I went through quite a span of emotions….first day I was shocked and scrambling to take everything in that I was seeing. The next few days brought sadness for these people and a sort of ‘down in the dumps’ outlook. By Day 4 I was feeling mad and by the end of the trip certainly frustrated and just wanting to do something….anything to help. I told her that once she gets back home she will have some great time to process and make sense of everything that she is feeling.

This trip has been quite different for me emotionally than our last trip. Some of our plans have been ruined by the rain – like our trip to the village and today’s practice with the Kingdom Hoops Ghana team. We have spent a lot more time at the hotel and haven’t been out traveling and doing things like we did on our last trip. However, we have made some truly wonderful memories with Samuel here in his home country and in his comfort zone. This will be such a special trip to look back on.

Have I mentioned that from Day 1 Samuel has called us Mummy & Daddy? I. Love. It. He just says it with such ease! Kofi mentioned today that Samuel will most likely forget how to speak his twi language over the course of 1 year. It made me so sad to hear that, but I suppose he will forget much of it if he has no one to practice talking it with. Even tonight at dinner Big Sam & Ezekiel were trying to talk twi with Samuel and he refused to speak it. He told them that he wants to learn English better and so they should talk with him in English. :) Smart boy!

Esi said she is going to get me a little book that translates a few common twi words to English. I will love having it! I had to ask Esi how to say ‘walk’ in twi because Samuel has been running A LOT like through the hotel lobby and also out on the tile around the pool. When I say ‘walk’ he doesn’t know what I am saying, and he is usually already running ahead of me so I can’t really demonstrate it. So, Esi told me that to say walk in twi you say ‘nante’. I tried it out earlier today when Samuel was running through the lobby….I said it real seriously and I am not joking he literally froze mid-step and looked back at me with the most bewildered look on his face like how did you know how to say that?!?! :)

Well, I am about to head to bed. My prayer tonight is that at this time tomorrow night we will all be sitting together in the airport as a family, awaiting our flight home.

Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

At 7th grade Girls AAU Nationals

Right now the Sullivan’s are hanging in Rochester, MN with Jake’s 7th grade girls team at AAU Nationals! Since I don’t believe in ‘jinx-ing’ I will go ahead and brag and say that these girls seriously have a chance to win it. They have two games today, and if they win both they will be in the quarter finals. Jake has coached these girls since they were in 3rd grade, and he just LOVES this team! Once this tournament is over we head on to begin our time with the high school boys teams at tournaments in Milwaukee and Chicago for the start of the live period. This is the first of our two 10-day road trips for the month of July.

Boy, are we all missing Samuel right now! We really wish he was here with us to experience the fun and do some major family bonding. Today when we found a really cool park JJ said, “Next time we need to bring Samuel here!” And Jayla keeps saying “Where’s Samuel?” So sweet! I still have a few more posts to finish off our Ghana trip journal…I just need to make the time to type them out! My blogging might be somewhat inconsistent until I get into a routine here on the road. For now we have some serious business to take care of like…

Mowing down huge bowls of ice cream…

Playing on the coolest and biggest park we have EVER seen….

And flying through mid-air jumping from bed to bed in the hotel!

Oh, and JJ has also discovered that cute girls can talk him into doing ANYTHING! He’ll never live this one down.......

Did you see his attempt at doing a cartwheel? I was laughing so hard watching all of this. The girls had this little routine that they were teaching JJ and they said he was the mascot!